Dating : 3 Things To Say When He Ghosts

It happens to all of us. Girl meets boy, girl gets excited, boy drops off the face of the motherf*cking earth. Like for real, flat-earthers might be on to something, cause he’s clearly fallen off the edge. But in all seriousness, I know it stings, I know. So here’s three things to say when some loser Lothario was too much a coward or too much a f*ckboy to text you back.

Scenario #1 — to friends:

Oops. You jumped the gun and told your girlfriends about him. You couldn’t help it, he was so tall/smart/successful!

So when your girlfriend asks: “How’s it going with [insert ghoster’s name]?

You say, with a concerned face: “Oh so sad. He didn’t text me back”

“Ugh I’m sorry, that sucks!” she empathizes.

You add regretfully, “Yeah it does. Poor guy. Must mean he’s dead. God rest his soul.”

And just wait for your friend to crack up laughing! Look, you and I, and billions of women ‘round the globe know what it feels like to be disappointed by a man. So let’s have a little laugh about it and go on living our lives.

Scenario #2 — to him:

Everyone deserves feedback, including the ghoster. Feedback is how people get better. So don’t shirk your opportunity to make the dating world a bit better for the rest of us! Hold him accountable! Also, don’t try to be the “cool girl” who doesn’t double-text. Double, triple, quadruple text if that’s what you need to do to express yourself. Don’t let yourself be silenced by these arbitrary rules. You might also be worried about coming across “crazy” — don’t be. Some unfortunate men call women “crazy”, when a woman asks to be treated like a human being.

Bottom line: if you’re upset that someone ghosted you, you need to tell him, and he needs to hear it. Just understand that he might not be evolved enough to text you back.

So here’s what to say:

“So I’m disappointed I never heard back from you. I thought we had a connection, and that you had more integrity than to treat people like this.”

Keep it short, simple, calm, and collected. Tell him how his behavior has impacted you, and that it is unacceptable.

Scenario #3 — to yourself:

When I first got ghosted, it shook me bad. It was after seven dates and we had just had sex. He never responded to a single one of my texts again. So if you’re anything like me, you reacted in two ways. First, you started thinking men are trash. And the second thing was quieter, but more harmful. You started to internalize the rejection. You started thinking you weren’t hot enough, smart enough, good enough in bed.

Stop that right now. Not all men are garbage, we just have to get better at not spending time with guys who are. And if you’re beating yourself up about this — as we women tend to do, stop it now. Life’s hard when someone’s mean to you all the time, don’t let that someone be you.

So here’s what to say to yourself:

“Wow that sucked and he sucked. His behavior says more about him than it says about me. I’m happy with the way I showed up and expressed myself.”

Say it to yourself until you’re over it. Because it’s true. And don’t forget to do your self-care. Go to yoga class, play with a dog, go to brunch, become a civil rights lawyer, solve climate change and cure cancer. Go forth and be your bad self!