Dating : A Friend’s Story

“How’s it feel to be home?” Nick asked.

“I’ve been home a week now, so I’m getting used to it,” he answered. “But I can’t wait to get out of my dad’s place. He fights with his girlfriend every night. You’d think he got all his fighting out on my mom.” He laughed nervously.

“At least now you can smoke!” I exclaimed, trying to ignore the awkwardness any mention of his parents exuded.

“God, that’s the best. Do you know how hard the first few weeks of boot camp was without it?”

“I couldn’t imagine.”

“Five years with no girls. How the hell did you do it?” Nick said.

“You know,” he smiled, “There’s hookers over there.”

“You dog!” Nick yelled.

“Hey,” I raised my glass, “To hookers!” We cheersed, and from that moment on the night was a time machine into our past.

We tried catching him up on everything that happened in the years he was gone. Nick told him about vacations he’d been on, the birth of his child, and work. I told him about my stint as a cameraman in New York, my dream of working on movies, but my eventual downfall when I went broke. He explained the inner-workings of the military, the rankings, stories of boot camp, but would not say anything about seeing action. He mentioned he was stationed in Afghanistan and Kuwait, that sometimes he slept on the cold desert floor. They ate the disgusting rations that were the standard meals for all personnel in the field, and he’d gotten used to the bland, faded taste of it, for that’s all they had. He had friends from all over the U.S., his brothers-in-arms, that seemed closer to him now than people he’d known his whole life. This reminded me of my own deep loneliness. I became disgusted at myself, that during Anthony’s stories of war I could only think of myself. I shook it off moments later when I noticed Anthony was eyeing up the bartender again. Five years without real, personal, female affection. How could someone do that? How could someone choose that?

“How’s Adelaide?” Anthony asked Nick.

He paused. “Good as usual,” he said quickly. “She’s got five kids; can you believe that?”

“No way,” Anthony said. “Who’d she marry?”

“This lawyer from Chicago. She lives there now, doing real estate. Her husband’s a cool guy. You should see their apartment.”

“I bet it’s nice. I always wanted to visit Chicago.”

“Where will you be stationed next?” I asked. “You could request somewhere, can’t you?”

“I’m done. No more army for me.”

“Really?”

“Yessir. I’ve been officially been discharged as of November 22nd, 2004.”

“Congrats, man.” Nick said. “What will you do now?”

“I don’t know. Looking for a job.”

“Is there anything you want to do?”

“Definitely nothing to do with the military. But other than that, I have no idea.”

“I’ll look around for you, Anth, maybe someone knows somebody that knows somebody.”

“I do know what I want to do right now,” he grinned. “Get another drink and try to fuck that bartender.”

“Ah man,” I said. “She’s been around the block a few times.”

“You know her?”

“Just from coming up here over the years. She drinks her even on her days off. About every guy in this town has had a turn with her.”

“Jeez, my luck. Anyone want a cig?”

Nick said, “I don’t smoke anymore.”

“I’ll come with you,” I told him. We put our coats on and went out into the freezing winter air.

“You know,” he lit his cigarette. “At Nick’s wedding I slept with Adelaide.”

“I knew it. I think we all did.”

“But her fiancé didn’t,” he grinned.

“After all this time,” I said. “You still think of her.”

“Of course. She was the most important person in my life other than you and Nick.”

“You don’t still have feelings for her, do you?”

“I’m not a teenager anymore.”

“Well, there are plenty of girls still around.”

“Not going to lie,” he began with a slight hesitation in his voice. “I sort of expected her to be here when I told everyone I was coming home. A stupid thought, I know, but I’m just being honest with you.”

“We all can dream, right?” I chuckled.

After a moment of silence I said, “I thought you’d be different, Anth.” I hesitated, not sure if I wanted the conversation to take a serious turn, but we were telling the truth here. I took a long puff out of my cigarette before I continued. “I thought you’d be more, well, military.”

“Ha. Me? I think I am more military.”

“I can’t tell. You probably are, but I can’t tell. You’re the same old Anthony to me.”

“It’s a different world over there, but after a while I felt at home. Really I hated the desert, but for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged somewhere.”

I thought for a few seconds of what to say but couldn’t find the right words.

“Oh, you don’t want to hear about that stuff,” he shook his head.

“You could tell me anything, I don’t mind. Did you see action?”

“Yessir, I saw action. You know I don’t want Nick to hear any of that shit.”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand.”

He looked down at his feet and smoked. His hood was covering his head now and the light above us cast long shadows that went into the street. When he looked up at me his eyes were somber.

“You think it’s going to be like the movies — and part of it is — you know, like people getting shot, blood everywhere. Bombs going off at night so loud you can’t sleep, afraid one’s going to fall right on top of you. But there’s something about it I can’t explain, that no one can explain. The smell, the sounds…. You don’t feel it when you’re watching a movie. When you’re in it, you’re in it. Nothing could ever do it justice until you live it. If you really want to know, I saw a few of my brothers die. One died in my arms as I was trying to patch him up. One got his face blown off by a bomb a fucking women had hidden under her dress. There’s no rules out there, man. The fear… the fear you have sometimes… I can’t explain….”

He kicked a stone down the street. I didn’t know what to say.

He smiled now. “It’s stupid.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I wanted to say something. I knew I would before I got here tonight. Don’t tell Nick.”

“I won’t.”

“No, about Adelaide.”

“Obviously.”

I threw my cigarette down and moved toward the door, but surprisingly he didn’t move. Instead, he took another one out and began to smoke it.

“Death surrounds me,” he said. A chill went down my back. Something out here made him open up. What was it?

“I don’t know why, but it does. Ever since Timmy, it’s been following me forever. They said I encountered more deaths than any medic in my regimen. I was shocked to hear that since I thought it was normal. I didn’t know I’d see that much action, and when I’d take leave all I wanted to do was go back. I had nothing here, I never did. That’s why I stayed for so long. And now I have nothing to do, nowhere to go.”

“You can stay with me,” I said. “Sleep on my couch. I don’t care, I mean it.”

“That’s not what I mean. I don’t know what to do with my fucking life.”

I wanted to ask if he regretted joining the army, but I already knew the answer. He, like a lot of young men, thought it was the future.

He exhaled a long breath and flicked his cigarette away. “Oh jeez,” he said. “Forget about it. Let’s get drunk.”

“Right behind you, Anth.”

Nick had a round of Irish carbombs ready for us when we returned, and the rest of the night was full of nothing but laughter. The bar filled up with some people our age, so we had some girls join in and drink with us. Eventually Anthony built up enough courage to talk to the bartender. He’d been out of the game for so long that frankly I felt bad for him. She rolled her eyes at everything he said, and after hours of trying to woo her he gave up. As usual his spirits were high, not caring about the ordeal, and got drunk with the rest of us.

Flush with the alcohol flowing through his veins, Nick decided it was late enough for him, his girls would be waiting.

“I’m glad you’re home,” he hugged Anthony. “I’ll see you later.” He hugged me too. Again, tears in his eyes.

We decided to have one more cig before we go. This time we didn’t talk much. Anthony studied his surroundings, looked up at the sky and let the first snowflakes of the night fall onto his face.

“Snow….” he said, still with his face to the sky. “I’m so drunk. How am I supposed to get home?”

“Let me drive you,” I said.

“No, no, no. I’ll drive myself.”

“Come on, Anth, that wouldn’t be good.”

“Just follow me. Stay behind me and we’ll be fine.”

I knew there was nothing I could say to change his mind, so I didn’t bother. It wasn’t a bad idea anyway.

As we had planned, I followed him home closely. He drove well, slower than the speed limit, but well enough to not gather attention. When we arrived at his dad’s I decided to walk him to the door.

“Well,” I said. “We missed you. Can’t tell you how good it is to see you.”

“Thanks man,” We hugged and I went back to the car. Goodbyes with Anthony were always quick and easy. Sentimentality wasn’t his thing.

As I turned my car on, I could see him still working the door. Too much to drink, I thought. I pull down the window and half-shouted, “Need help?”

“It’s fucking locked,” he said back.

I turned the heat up and went out to help him.

“I think you’re just too drunk.”

“No way, try it.”

I turned the knob but it was in fact locked. “Fuck,” I said, and we went around to he backdoor. That was locked too.

“Alright come back to my place. It really isn’t a bother.”

“No. I gotta stay here.”

“It’s locked. Come on.” I headed back to my car.

“I said no. I’ll sleep in my car.”

“You nuts? Just sleep on my couch.”

He walked toward me. “Get out of my way,” he said. “Stop fucking worrying about me.” He opened the door to his car and pushed the front seat all the way back, then he sat in the car with the door still open.

“Anthony. Just come with me. It’s not a big deal. You know I live close by.”

“What is wrong with everyone here? When I say something no one listens. I’ve been in situations a hundred times worse than sleeping in a damn car. Go home, man.”

I shook my head. “I can’t — ” Suddenly I felt myself almost topple over. He was on his feet right in front of me. He must have shoved me.

“I said get the fuck out of here. My dad will kill me if he sees me drunk. You think he didn’t give me key? It’s right here.” He lifted the key to the headlights of my car. “I love you man, but you need to stop worrying and go the hell home.”

No point to go on. He’d made my decision for me. He was right, he’d been in situations way worse than this.

“Alright,” I said. “Call me tomorrow.” I got into my car. When I pulled out I saw the orange a cigarette floating below his face. He was smiling.