Dating : A Symphony Of Time

I have always loved Motunrayo. From my earliest memory of her she was always the loudest in every room, thats why when she became silent, everything that was anything in me broke with her.

We met in Primary 2. That day was the only day mummy came to pick me up late. Motunrayo, whom I had never spoken to before that day made her father wait and sat with me till my mother came. Motunrayo always aways looked out for me. Our parents used to joke about how she was my bodyguard and my husband would have to seek her permission for my hand before he even asked them.

When we didn’t get admission at the same university, Motunrayo made the 1 hour 30 minutes journey every Saturday for 4 years to see me at school.

I remember the week she met Dotun. She came to spend the entire weekend with me. She came raving about him and how he was too good to be true. I doubted this because my mind couldn’t comprehend anyone that could be too good for my Motun. I always saw her as a gift. That precious stone that by some manufacturer error is found with other non-precious stones, but somehow she never saw herself that way. It always bothered me how she saw good in everyone but herself. He was the calm to her storm. Where Motunrayo was an ever moving raging wind, he was the still wind, the mist that makes up the morning dew.

I wasn’t sure how to feel because honestly I wasn’t sure I was ready to share her with anyone else. I was very skeptical and not because of some sixth sense but simply as a result of the protectiveness that comes with loving someone. I simply could not believe that there could ever be any one that would be worthy of her. She was so excited for me to meet him. I was excited too. I had seen her happy before but this was a different kind of happy.

We all went out for lunch. He seemed level headed but love struck all the same. He was enthralled by her. Where Motunrayo was hasty, he was patient and calculative, always looking out for her. At some point, my stone cold heart of over-protection thawed completely and without my knowledge or permission.

I found that I could trust him with my Motun. There was something about his unwavering loyalty to her. He introduced her to his parents and entire family as the girl he was going to marry barely a month after they started dating. He made it a point of duty to surprise her with a gift every week because that was her love language.

At some point I became worried for Dotun. I had seen a lot in my life but there was something ethereal about his devotion to her. Nothing she did could sway his love. When they had disagreements, it took a toll on both of them; physically even. I was afraid that people would say she had bewitched him. I was afraid for him that he may lose himself in her, not like it was a bad thing, but I always felt that to love, one had to be safe still.

Maybe that’s why Motunrayo always said she couldn’t wait to see me drop my guard. I never understood what she meant though, because I had already; with her. The intensity of my love for Motunrayo showed me that true love can exist outside the confines of a romantic relationship.

I remember one week towards the end of a really tough semester, which also happened to be the week of their anniversary, Motunrayo took to me on a vacation to a resort in a small town in Jos. I had always wanted to go but it was so expensive. I remember asking her multiple times on that trip, how she was able to afford it and she always found a way out of answering. It was not until the last day of the vacation when we were checking out of our hotel that I saw the name we were signed under, Dotun Adams.

It was then she told me that the trip was all Dotun’s idea and he had told her how he knew she was unhappy seeing me so stressed and he thought I deserved a break and offered to pay for the trip but made her promise not to let me know it was him because he was sure I would refuse. In turn, she made me promise not to tell him she had told me.

That weekend something shifted in me for Dotun. I finally accepted that this man was good for my friend and in moments were I caught myself being truly honest, I realised I considered him a gift to her.

A year after University, he proposed to her and they were married some 6 months down the line. It was November. It was a cloudy Saturday in November. We were worried it would rain. But not my Motun. She swore nothing would spoil her day and I think even Mother Nature agreed. The cloud didn’t let up but the sky didn’t release any rain either. Maybe the weather was trying to tell us something it would’ve been impossible to see at the time.

She called me to tell me she was three months pregnant and demanded I moved in with them a month to her due date.

We went last minute shopping for baby things. She was due the next week and wanted to make sure we got everything settled.

Her sharp cry sent an alarm through me. I almost went into the delivery room but I fought to control myself. Dotun came out to tell us, your parents and myself, the decision he had to make. I didn’t understand why they couldn’t just wake you up to ask you. I told him what the obvious decision should be, he told me you had said earlier you wanted to put her before yourself.

I told him that you usually talk irrationally. I told him I was sure he was not thinking of listening to you. A nurse rushed out to call his attention.

Her piercing cry sent a flood of emotions through me. I wasn’t sure what it meant. Why wasn’t I hearing your cry too? I had to force myself to remember its only her cry we were supposed to hear.

I was apprehensive.

Dotun came out carrying her in his arms but something was wrong. It was how his shoulders slouched, the same way it did that week before your wedding when you had a really bad cold and could barely talk. He was always very good at exaggerating. I remember telling him then to not let you be the death of him, but I spoke too early. I would later realise that that was advice that was meant for me.

It was your mum’s scream that caught my attention first. She was holding onto his shirt with tears running down her eyes. The nurse had to take the baby from him and held her protectively from us as if we were the enemy.

It was another cloudy Saturday when I was getting ready. My hands shook when it was my turn to shovel my piece of dirt. I stood there staring at where you laid, hours after everyone else had left.

It was 6 months before I found the will to ask him why? Why he took you from me. He said you told him you would’ve never forgiven him if he did otherwise and that you said you would choose her a million times before yourself. He said you asked him to love her and tell her everything about you. I dropped my phone silently, all the while wondering if I crossed your mind and if you realised how I might never be able to forgive you. Or him.

He named her Adufe (a daughter that is deeply loved by her parents), your middle name, although he didn’t have to seeing as she was already a spitting image of you. It would’ve been hard to attempt to see her and not see you.

I got another call that there was an accident, they did everything they could. He had gone to be with you.

She came to live with me. I told your parents I would die a thousand times before she moved in with anyone else. You were my soulmate after all. I do not know how they agreed to let their grand daughter live with me but they did. Maybe they too saw how much I needed it to be so. Or maybe it was because you were an only child so there were no siblings to fight with.

It was my first time in your house since you left. I still can’t say the word. Both your parents said they had decided to sell the house and put the profits in a trust for her. I went to see if there was anything I could find, anything that would be a reminder of you both, anything she would find useful when she was old enough, from photo albums, to your favourite scarf, to framed pictures of you and Dotun. It was then I found Dotun’s journal. I didn’t know when I had started reading it and was absent mindedly flipping through the pages. It was my name that caught my attention. Why was I in his journal? I started reading. I did not know I was screaming till I felt the pain in my throat. He made me believe it was him that decided your fate so I wouldn’t find out that you had already lost too much blood and had taken the decision from us. He was afraid I would hate her for taking you away from me. I wish I could but the unexplainable bond I already had with her would not let me.

It was her 5th birthday. I was wrapping the gift I got her when my eyes caught the bracelet you made me. It was my last birthday before you left. It’s her favourite colour too. It’s hard to see her and not see you.

It was till her sixteenth that I found the strength to tell her everything about you, everything about Dotun, everything about the magic that we were.

I gasped when I saw her in your wedding dress, now hers. She is you Motunrayo. Oh God I wished you and Dotun could see her. A perfect blend of father and mother. I felt like an impostor waking down the aisle with her on one side and your parents on the other but she would not have it any other way. She is strong-willed. Just like you.

Sometimes I sit and wonder if it was all in my head, but then I remember the magic that we were and how Adufe would forever be living, breathing proof.

— Vianana Doubara Wingitari