h2>Dating : Alright cool, you put me in the Friendzone?
Long story short friendos: I’ve been friendzoned. This is despite the fact the person has said I’m amazing (true), I’m lovely (truer) and I’m the cutest person they’ve ever spoken to (truest). But has this mofo asked me out yet? No — wanna know why? BECAUSE. THIS. MAN. IN. HIS EARLY 40S. DATES. GIRLS. IN. THEIR 20S. Talk about tell me you’re having a midlife crisis without telling me. And what is absolutely fucking infuriating is that me and this guy talk for hours, we know and understand the same pop culture gen references because I’m not a dick in my 20s, we get lost in conversations, our banter is top tier — but I’m in the friendzone.
It wasn’t so obvious at first but a few nights ago, he dropped the ‘you deserve a lovely bloke.’ It blindsided me, I thought he was my lovely bloke, but turns out as soon as he finds his next bit of skirt, it’s gonna be easier for him to keep me in his back pocket ‘as a friend,’ rather than risk fucking up what definitely exists between us. It will be a cold day in hell before I ever disclose to him how much this friendzoning has got me spiralling, and how now, I will dig my heels in and make sure I never leave the friendzone. If he doesn’t want to see me as a ‘candidate’, I’ll make sure all he sees is the tomboy me. The me who eats candy for breakfast and a hot croissant with Tabasco Sauce for dinner. The me who picks fights with small dogs and yells at people who don’t move out of my way when I’m on my scooter. The tone of the conversation when he called me the next day changed immediately, my voice was clipped and he knew it straight away, I wasn’t interested in hearing about his day, instead I gave a short sharp update about my day and the discomfort he felt was palpable. ‘You sound different,’ he observed. No shit Sherlock. If I’m now one of the ‘lads’, then deal with laddish me, you don’t get the same me twice.
I asked him last week in a way that wasn’t screechy or played to his ego about why we haven’t met up yet. He fobbed me with some excuse, which I just nodded along to, but really the writing was on the wall in that conversation. Dudes who are into me usually want to see me straight away, but this guy has no intention of meeting up with me for a date, instead he thinks he’s gonna get this great female friend on the other end of a phone whilst he chases younger women to feed his ego?
I really hate straight men who do the whole: ‘I like women of substance and depth,’ but all they ever date are women called Cindy (no really the girl he was dating before he started talking to me was called Cindy — but you know she was gorgeous — eyefuckingroll). This guy is full of bullshit, and it’s a different kind of betrayal when someone strings you along. So heed my words friendos, if someone really wanted to: they would, and if they don’t, accept it is what is Boo and don’t quit looking for someone who KNOWS it’s you, don’t give up on someone who wants you as a homie, a lover, a friend for real and someone who — once trust has been established asks you out on a fucking date in person.
