Dating : Are you a nice guy that gets friend-zoned a lot?

I met a girl online. She was amazing. Beautiful, sexy & funny. I was totally into her. You could say she was a total catch and I was awestruck by her.

We got along really well. Our jokes were the same and we liked the same kind of music. I flirted a little with her and she responded back. It got to a point where I thought I was really lucky to have her in my life. Though till this point we were only “hanging out” with each other.

I put her onto a pedestal. (This was a mistake)

I used to listen to her cry on the phone all night talking about how boys broke her heart even if it meant that I reach late to work the next day. I used to be available for her whenever she wanted to share her joys or sorrows be it while I am in a meeting at work or I am sleeping in the middle of the night. I took care of her emotional baggage and made sure that I don’t talk about how I feel about her and how I am attracted to her because that might endanger my “friendship” with her.

While she was growing upon me, I was struggling with my own demons like low self-esteem, low confidence and lack of self-respect. I was afraid inside that if I confess my feelings for her I might even lose this friendship with her.

I convinced myself that she is too good for me but I also wanted to be with her. So I decided, rather than expressing my feelings for her I will silently hope that one day impressed by my nice guy behaviour and all the nice things I have done for her she will oblige me and have sex with me. I know this is messed up but this is how nice guys think.

But, one day she broke the news of her getting back to her ex. I was flustered and felt cheated. Though I never confessed my relationship with her. I lost my shit and demanded explanations from her.

Basically, I was secretly hoping all this time that in return of my nice guy gestures she will oblige me with sex or relationship and here she is talking about going back to her ex who treated her badly. I blurted out all my frustrations on her. She did not like my behavior and asked me to fuck off, which I did.

I was hurt. I cried. I painted her as a complete bitch in my mind but after some time. I realized, if I was in her place I wouldn’t be attracted to myself either. I was confused, scared and was struggling with self-esteem issues. I put her on a pedestal and thought she would respond to my covert contract.

The contract which I had developed in my own head — according to which, if I do all the nice things for a woman, put her on pedestal and be available for her even if that means I had to give up on my work, ambitions, and purpose, it is her duty to oblige me with sex and relationship. Unfortunately, that’s how nice guys think.

Think about all the “nice DP dear” comments on the pics of women on Facebook.

Women are not as complex as we think they are. They want a man who knows his shit. Who can take action and is clear about what he wants? They want a confident man who isn’t afraid of confrontations and even if he wants something from them, he has guts to put that forward in a rightful manner, instead of secretly expecting something from them in return.