Dating : Attending a Nude Party by Accident

Story time!

The mansion party that I incidentally got invited to belonged to an executive at the university I dropped out of. On top of that, all around me, naked middle aged men and women were having the time of their lives.

This happened over almost two years ago. Prior to the party, I was in between moving houses and I stayed at an Airbnb for a week. I quickly became friends with the homeowner, who was about a decade older than I was and took a liking to me. She was well-known all over town, so she was always being invited to shindigs.

One Friday evening (after I had left her house and moved into my new place), she invited me to a “friend of a friend’s” party. Knowing her and her vast list of associates and friends, I thought it’d be a great networking opportunity. I agreed to go.

I already had plans to go to another friend’s family event earlier in the evening, which resulted in me passing out drunk while in the middle of eating a bowl of homemade sopa (Mexican soup). After I woke up — sober — I high-tailed it to the other party. Better late than never. I was pretty frazzled, especially since I had also went to work earlier in the day, but that didn’t stop me. (Honestly, I think this night alone killed most of my party animal spirit.)

The address of the next party was inside a gated community of massive houses. It took me a while to find the entrance and I had to wait outside until I was given the gate code. My Airbnb host/friend met me outside the house where I parked in front of someone’s boat.

My first thought when I entered: this house is fucking gorgeous! The ceilings were incredibly high, the style was rustic with a minimalist flair, and the huge backyard pool had color-changing lights that reminded me of a rave.

However, when we went outside and before I realized the pool changed colors, I was met with a startling scene.

A majority of the party goers were much older than I… and they were completely naked (except for jewelry and flip flops). Some people were in the pool, or dancing (albeit awkwardly), or just sitting around, drinking. Thankfully, my friend was not naked nor showed that much skin (I’m not sure if she partook earlier, but either way, I’m glad I didn’t see that side of her). We went to the back where there was a bar and outside grill. The homeowner’s chef and cook was posted there, and he kindly made me a drink (and would continue to make me drinks throughout the night).

I pulled my friend to the side and quietly exclaimed something along the lines of, “Oh my God! What is this? Why is everyone here naked?” Keep in mind that I was still frazzled, so I didn’t have the energy to make a huge scene (as I usually would). She calmed me down and said “actually, I didn’t know it’d be like this. I was just invited by someone. They throw this party every year.” It was evident that this wasn’t her first rodeo.

While we were conversating, a naked woman came up to me. She held my hand and spoke in a sultry voice. She had on layers of jewelry which were probably more than a years’ worth of college tuition. She said, “Hi, I don’t think I’ve seen you around before. Were you here last year?” I said no and that I was surprised to be invited to such a thing, and she kept caressing my hand as I avoided looking at her boobs. She said the house was hers and assured me that everyone was harmless and the party was dying down anyway — I was free to stay fully clothed.

Did I mention that I was the youngest one there?

Indeed, I stayed. My friend and I traveled around the backyard (that’s the size of a waterpark) and met new people and started conversations, all while the latter were completely naked. Most of them seemed pretty dazed and out of it, which in retrospect, explains the violent changes in colors of the pool (if you know what I mean). I was glad that I didn’t arrive hours earlier at the peak of the party. (Before you ask, I did not witness any uninhibited acts of passion. Fortunately. Even if I did, I wouldn’t go into detail about it. Unfortunately.)

I was tired, now coupled with alcohol, I became clumsy. Eventually, we made our way to a group sitting under a cabana where a man with graying hair and glasses dominated the conversation. He was fully clothed and spoke in perfect diction. The older woman from earlier, who I now learned to be his wife, was next to him. I wondered who’s idea it was to host a party like this. The man was talking about the university he worked at and I learned that he was an executive. I was already very much buzzed and the bartender had just came around to deliver my next drink. I interjected. I dropped out of that school! Everyone looked at me in bewilderment. I’m not sure what the rest of the conversation consisted of (probably me talking shit about the university), all I remember was soon afterwards I told my friend that I had to go to the bathroom.

My friend helped me up and guided me to the bathroom. Unfortunately, the outside bathroom was in rather close proximity to the hot tub. I fell into the hot tub. My friend helped me out and it was then that I realized I couldn’t think or see straight. She brought me back inside where I took my shirt and pants off so she could put it in the dryer. I was almost naked, and even drunk, I felt even more uneasy. She gave me a towel to wrap myself in and we went back outside. I laid down on one of the couches, and once again, I passed out. (This is why I don’t over-drink in public anymore.)

Sometime later, my friend woke me up. It was past 4am. She gave back my dry clothes and I was relieved to see that a majority of the nude people were already gone. She told me that not much else happened after I fell asleep (I didn’t question it), and that we should leave. I was way ahead of her. I didn’t see the homeowners again, nor had the chance to thank the diligent bartender. All I wanted to do was go home and fall asleep in my own bed for once.

A few weeks or a month later, my friend invited me to another party. This time, it was hosted by someone who she actually knew personally. The theme was Alice in Wonderland. My response? Hell no!