h2>Dating : Avoid Dating People Who Are Struggling In Life
We started talking again on the way to the gym and I felt like things might actually get better, but then he told me about how he found his ex from North Carolina on Bumble recently and he was still in love with her. His reasoning? She put her entire life on hold for months to take care of him while he had depression.
And that was when it hit me. He didn’t want an equal partner. He wanted a mother to take care of him.
Now, in theory, helping your boyfriend with his mental health issues is a very kind and caring thing to do. I would’ve been willing to help him as best I could. And although I’ve never dealt with depression myself, I do know that it can make life challenging for people who have it. I’m sympathetic to that. There is a part of me that feels like I shouldn’t just assume this guy was playing the victim because I don’t know his whole story. I only know the things he’s told me and the behaviors that I’ve personally witnessed.
But still, I just knew that I was not mentally equipped to take on that caretaker role. I simply don’t have the patience to help someone who’s not willing to help themselves. So yeah, I guess I am pretty selfish.
I thought back to that first night sitting on the couch trying to cheer him up, only to have him tell me that he thought to stay positive was stupid. I remembered sitting in his old apartment in LA a few months earlier, giving him suggestions for local jobs to apply for that might not mind his criminal history and encouraging him to sell some of his designer clothes for extra cash, only to have him tell me he wasn’t interested in those jobs and his clothes were too valuable for him to sell. It suddenly became clear to me that this guy had no interest in bettering himself if it meant making sacrifices.
That wasn’t the type of relationship I wanted at all. I wanted an equal partner who was just as interested in personal growth as me. Someone who has his shit together or is at least working hard to get there.
And I knew that I would never get that type of relationship with Colorado Guy. Apparently the feeling was mutual too because that evening after we got home from the gym, he told me I was too selfish again and then he kicked me out of his apartment. I spent the remainder of my trip sleeping on an old college friend’s couch.
I was devastated at first. I felt like a terrible person for wanting to have a fun vacation with a guy I was interested in and I regretted that I wasn’t more sympathetic to his situation. I truly believed that I was too selfish for a bit, especially because I always prided myself on being someone who was kind and caring. But then I remembered how bad his attitude was toward everything. I remembered that I did try to help him and he wasn’t interested in any of my suggestions, probably because they weren’t what he wanted to hear. I’m more than happy to help point people in the right direction, but I’m not someone who will do all the work for them.
On the last day of my trip, I spent the afternoon crying and watching Netflix again on my friend’s couch while he was at work. And that was when I received an email that would change my life forever. A different friend had sent me some mindset training audios, which was exactly what I needed to heal from my situation. The timing was so perfect. It was like a sign from the universe helping me elevate myself, making it so that I was no longer on the same wavelength as Colorado Guy. I became hooked on personal development starting that day.
I also now celebrate that day every year as my “rebirthday.” November 12, 2017. And for Veteran’s Day weekend in 2018, I went back to Colorado by myself and stayed at a nice ski resort in Vail.
Once I returned home from my original trip, I made a promise to myself that I would never again date someone who has a lot of personal problems that have nothing to do with me. At least obvious surface-level problems, like in Colorado Guy’s case.
