Dating : Bad timing.

What does it mean when a guy tells you that it’s just ‘bad timing’? Because I bet that that’s not what the girl he’s now dating would think. In her mind, all of this is great — if not, perfect — timing, because she’s the one that got the guy. Single Sally over here? Not quite how I see it. Perspective. What a mean beast.

This probably needs no introduction, but alas, I present to you my follow-up post from dinner with le véto (and prepare yourselves, because as you can probably tell, it is not as glowingly positive as the last one). After a few weeks of texting, me enduring two episodes of Game of Thrones (per his recommendation), and a second (subsequently cancelled) date, an attempt to reschedule led to a crushingly honest text message popping up on my phone screen.

“Christie I’d love to hang out, but I’ve started seeing someone a little more seriously. I really enjoyed meeting you and think you’re wonderful, but just poor timing. Sorry.”

Ouch. Where am I meant to start with that?

Like any girl that was about to have her self-confidence annhialated/shattered/devastated (take your pick, they all apply!) I started with the positives. Oh my gosh, he thinks I’m wonderful! Great! But… he also basically just said that he wanted to pursue something with someone else… Not great. So, ‘you’re wonderful!’ turns into ‘you’re wonderful, just not wonderful enough’. What a bitter horse-sized pill to swallow if there ever was one.

Timing is a funny thing. Bad timing is even funnier, depending on who you ask (and what their twisted sense of humour is like). Most of this evening has been filled by my attempts to analyse the seemingly 286 different meanings of the phrase, all with equally unhelpful results. I can’t figure out if it’s a cop-out way of saying, ‘I’m not interested, I just don’t want to outright say that it’s because I’m not into you’, thereby shifting the blame from me/him to the universe’s timing. Because, who can argue with the universe? And if it’s fate’s conniving plan, then who are we to spin that into our control? If it really is option ‘the cop-out’, then I would rather that he just say that he isn’t feeling it. Harder to hear, easier to move on.

But what if that’s not it?

Behind door number 2 lies the, ‘I really would’ve liked to have seen where things with us could’ve gone, but I’ve been seeing this other person longer and more often so I’m going to give it a shot with them’ option. I realise not everyone is entirely keen on dishing the plain truth when they call something off, but if this were the meaning behind the message, then I have to admit… it stings. More than the ‘I’m just not that into you’ option, because this one tells us that we were so close to being ‘it’, and maybe we could’ve been it… if it weren’t for the timing.

Timing was a big focus of mine since date one. How many days between text messages? Don’t be too present, make him want you. Is seeing each other two weeks in a row acceptable? Maybe not, you can’t be too available. Am I allowed to text first? Yes, but wait x amount of days between messages. Navigating this is hard. Harder than I remember, actually. Combing back over the last few weeks and what I could’ve done differently is exhausting. Since it’s now way beyond my control, I know it’s futile to ruminate (but what twenty-something year old woman would admit that?). In either case, turns out that mixing ‘paralysis by analysis’ with a somewhat sweet disposition is a pretty lethal combination — by which I mean it left me in second place. Amazing for the Olympics. Really, really sucky in the dating world. You’re wonderful, just not wonderful enough.

If it doesn’t work out with this girl he’s dating (although I’m sure it will, because let’s face it, he’s lovely and I’m sure she is absolutely spectacular) then… would I be curious to see where things could go? Absolutely, I won’t deny that. But we’ll cross that bridge if we ever come to it, although there’s a very real chance that we won’t. On the lighter side of things, as one of my girlfriends pointed out, do I really want to date someone who constantly misspells my name and writes ‘wonderfull’ with two L’s? (Corrected above for my own gramatically-obsessed peace of mind). Again, it all comes down to perspective. A mean beast? Perhaps. Or maybe, perspective is actually a loyal albeit misunderstood creature.

No matter the message’s true intention, at the end of the day, ‘bad timing’ simply means you lost. Lost to the timing of the universe/situation, lost to the other girl involved… that’s it. After the initial sting wears off, I know that there’s no point dwelling over it — moping is a total killjoy of a guest. The ‘time heals all wounds’ treatment is instead encouraged and will swiftly be brought into action, even if there are a few despondent sighs here and there.

Six months or a year from now, maybe this will look different. Who knows. But I guess we won’t ever find out if it’s bad timing until it’s good timing — be it with them, or with someone else.