Dating : Chemistry and Compatibility as Key Pillars of a Relationship

Chemistry and compatibility are both key in any relationship and while some use it interchangeably, they are not the same — in fact they couldn’t be farther from each other. They root from very different origins and it’s only our minds, trying to post-rationalise our emotions that blur them together. When you are overtook by electric feelings evoked by the other, it is hard to look at it rationally and admit that there is no future for you, for you are incompatible. When you match on every level and you complement each other in any way possible, it is hard to admit to be superficial and missing that spark that can cause fireworks. We compromise for chemistry and we compromise for compatibility — and we assign more importance to the one that we actually have.

But if you want a steady, happy, healthy relationship you need to understand the difference between them.

Chemistry is the seemingly inexplicable connection between two people — in physical proximity. With a high-level chemistry all of your senses conspire to make you like the person next to you — you like what you see, what you hear, what you touch, what you smell, what you taste. Each sense gives and even stronger feedback, creating a loop of infatuation, a sense of destiny, lust and love.

They monopolise your thoughts, your time, your energy, your efforts. Their presence creates a dopamine rush, an unshakeable addiction that seems impossible to walk away from. The more you look at them, the more things you find that confirms your addiction, blowing their positive traits out of proportion, seeing them through rose-coloured glasses even if you see their flaws.

Chemistry is the pull of the opposites and it can be surprising and unexpected. You might think that being extrovert and energetic will draw you to people like you, but you can find yourself attracted to someone introverted and relaxed. Intensity calls for calmness. Structure calls for spontaneity. Words call for silence.

A high degree of chemistry often results in intense sex — with a roller coaster of emotions and sensations that will leave you breathless and awestruck. Rushing pulses, pounding hearts, surreal passion that will make you come back for more, always more. Reason surrenders and time stands still — for a little while.