Dating : Choosing Between Security and Passion

It was at the age of sixteen, after getting my results for the O levels and, it was the time I had to pick my course of study. Back then, I still thought that I should pursue something practical so that I could make a living while being able to pursue my dreams without feeling the immense pressure to succeed.

But I wasn’t meant for that. For me, I was someone who gave my all or nothing. When it interested me, I would spend hours just reading it up, doing research. As well as work on something for months on end, and be willing to learn about the careers I could step into concerning writing.

I chose something practical for the safety it offered, the chance to be free but also independent. So that I won’t ever feel as though that I won’t make enough money to support myself, or having to worry about it. Then, I could focus the energy on the really entertaining things in life for me. Keeping it as a hobby until one day it could take over.

It was a mistake. Since I was only in it because I didn’t think that I could make enough on my own, I went into my course thinking that it wouldn’t demand the same of me. I was rather wrong. It required a lot to do well, and I couldn’t give that up. The curriculum and also field just didn’t captivate me nearly as much as writing had. Some parts of it had me enthralled; others had me yawning and hoping to live through it.

So, I didn’t do well in school, mostly because my heart just wasn’t in it. Although I’m committed to just finishing it, it would be somewhat unlikely that I would pursue a full-time career in it. I admit I did have an interest in the topic. I liked programming, coding, as well as the fascinating world of the internet. But at the same time, I valued it much less than writing, talking, communicating, and later on, more creative pursuits.

The only part I truly enjoyed was programming because, by nature, it was incredibly creative. It was logical, too, but not in the sense that everything had a precise method to it. But sometimes I had to figure that method out myself, the same way I was writing. It was cracking a mysterious code, and it was that process which I loved.

The rest of it, whether it was about database administration, Maths, or even about the internet, most of it would be swiftly forgotten.

However, that realization gave way to a whole new world of thinking for me. I relished the freedom, and the ability it gave me to bring alive new things, new forms of creations. My projects were sometimes treated like my babies, things I would spend hours just working on it, and then marveling at how it had grown in lines of code. As well as functionality, not to mention thinking up new features in concept.

And that was the first sense that I didn’t want security, but rather I always preferred to do what I wanted to do.

I didn’t heed it then and pushed on.