Dating : Clumsy after Midnight

I’m professional during the day, but clumsy after midnight.

After a long day of dealing with clients and sitting in meetings, Renaldo was exhausted. Typically, after leaving work, he’d go directly to the gym. Given the long workday, he decided to go home. Despite the on-call requirement, he asked his assistant to cover his calls, if any, for the night. Renaldo’s main concern for the evening is relaxation.

Traffic seems to be at a standstill at 8pm on a Wednesday night. It’s starting to rain outside, and Renaldo is becoming frustrated, as the voice assistant in his car isn’t understanding his command. He’s asking the voice assistant to call Barbara, but it keeps stating its calling “daughter”. Renaldo becomes impatient and yells in the car.

“This is not the day to mess with me, now call Barbara!”

“Okay, calling barber.”

After a couple of minutes of arguing with his voice assistant, Renaldo firmly pressed the button on his steering wheel to cancel the request. The only issue now, is he’s hoping he didn’t damage his button, as he held the button down as if he was putting the voice assistant out of its misery.

Twenty minutes later, Renaldo arrives home. Given that he’s exhausted, he neglects to get the mail, as he notices a skunk near the mailbox, and the last thing he wants to do this evening is get sprayed by a skunk. Since he had an early dinner at work with clients, he takes a shower and goes directly to bed.

Approximately, a quarter past midnight, Renaldo awakes and has to use the bathroom. Quietly, he gets out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom. For whatever reason, Renaldo doesn’t want to turn on any lights. Slightly asleep, and half focused, he tries to sit on the toilet but, instead, he falls between the toilet and the wall. During the fall, Renaldo’s big toe on his right foot hit the top of the clawfoot tub. Suddenly, he’s lying there, writhing in pain and confused in the dark, but he does see a few stars circling around from the impact. Moments later, he gets up from the floor, and limps back to his bed, realizing he never used the bathroom. Before falling asleep, Renaldo snacks on a chocolate bar, but didn’t finish it, as he fell asleep.

The next morning, pain is still lingering on his toe. As Renaldo gets out of bed, he looks down and is in an immediate state of shock. His pajamas have brown stains all over. To avoid any embarrassment, Renaldo quickly limps into the closet to remove his stained pajamas to immediately put them in the washer. Ironically, he’s hit with an aroma of chocolate. Low and behold, Renaldo just realized that its chocolate on his pajamas, instead of his initial thought of poop.

Given the long day at work yesterday, and the clumsiness last night, Renaldo decided to take the day off from work. He spent the morning doing laundry, bandaging his toe, and spending time in his jacuzzi, to get some relaxation.

© Tony Young, Jr. 6/20