h2>Dating : Cold Approaching Women Changed My Perspective on Life
I was always the shy introverted kid in high school that didn’t talk very much or do anything interesting. I wasn’t a teacher’s pet and neither was I a trouble maker. I was just existing. I got average grades and I behaved in class. I wasn’t popular and I was also not a complete loner. I was super average at everything. I didn’t really thrive in anything other than being super professional and staying under the radar and being invisible. This may have been to my own benefit because looking back I was probably invisible to a lot of bullies since I didn’t get bullied at all in High School, but this also meant that I didn’t get any dates with any girls either. My entire high school career could probably be described as kinda sorta passive-aggressive, maybe.
After graduating High School, I decided to focus the next few years on my career which ultimately paid off because I landed my first dream job as a Junior Web Developer at the age of 21. For the first time in my life I had some money to spare along with a decent amount free time on my hands. Because of the lack of dating leading up to this time in my life, I decided to spend my money and time trying to develop myself to be more attractive to girls and get dates. On my days off of work, I would usually go out alone or with my good friend to bars, clubs, and malls to approach women and talk to them and try to get their numbers to take them out. To make a VERY long story short, since then I have approached a decent amount of women and as a result it has changed my perspective on life and I am writing this to share them.
You have the ability to shape your life
Before I began cold approaching women, I used to believe that a pretty girl would accidentally bump into me during a hallway and we would accidentally touch hands as I try to pick her books up from the floor, we would then have some sort of awkward exchange and find out we both like the same sort of music or some cheesy shit depicted in many Hollywood movies. The harsh truth for guys is that the chances of a pretty girl bumping into one of us in a hallway and coincidentally have common interests is the same chance of Mia Khalifa appearing under your bedroom tonight.
I know this because I waited for the girl in the hallway and she never showed up to drop her books for me to pick up (I also waited for Mia, too). Eventually, I learned something about life. If you want something, you need to grab life by the balls and drag it to where you need to go. Instead of waiting for the girl to bump into you, you can be the guy that bumps into her! Similarly, if you currently work at a shitty job, instead of complaining and having self-pity, you can apply for a better job. The job won’t come to you no matter how much you cry, you need to knock on some doors, send in some resumes, and make some calls.
If you leave your goals and ambitions to the universe, fate, or just plain luck, you are basically gambling your chances of achieving what you want to achieve. The chance you’ll reach your goals without action is nearly zero.
You can get pretty good at anything, Even if you naturally suck at it.
Through cold approach, I’ve learned that if you are brave enough to walk up to a girl and talk to her, she’s most likely going to give you a chance to convey who you are before rejecting you. My first few approaches were terrible and I failed miserably, but those failed approaches made me realized something amazing. I realized that the girls didn’t reject me when I approached them, they rejected me after I opened my mouth and conveyed my poor social skills. Through pushing myself into uncomfortable situations and repeating a few painful approaches, I grew my reference experience and I began to learn certain patterns and the more volume of women I approached, the more prepared and better my social skills became for the next one. This goes the same for other things in life. When you are learning to drive a car, the first few months you are going to be a bit sloppy on the road. You’ll slam on the brakes a little too early, drive over curbs, and have a few close calls during a lane change. After a few months, you’ll get in the groove of things and driving will be second nature.
For example, I was naturally born with horrible social skills and anxiety, but because I forced myself to make the jump and push forward, I eventually became brave enough to walk up to a girl and initiate a conversation. This made me realized that kittens can in fact become lions.
You Will Get a Glimpse of Your True Potential
I’ve gotten numbers from girls that I “was not supposed to get”. At least that’s what I would have told myself several years prior. I’ve realized that I always had the potential to score dates with many beautiful women and that the only thing that kept me from doing so was my own self-doubt and fear of walking up to a girl and talking to her. This made me question other aspects of my life that might be holding me back due to my own self-doubt. How much money can I really make? How fit can I really get? How much wiser can I become? What sort of amazing things can I accomplish and experience in life?
Most of Your Fears are Irrational
What if she slaps my face?
What if her military boyfriend throws me out the window?
What if I get a drink thrown at my face?
What if everyone around me starts watching me and listening to every word I say?
These are some of the irrational fears that I used to ask myself when I saw a pretty girl that I could have approached but didn’t. These are the same fears that many other guys ask themselves too. After cold approaching girls, I’ve learned that my fears were Irrational because all the bad things that I thought would have happened never actually did. A girl never slapped me nor threw a drink in my face because I went up to her and told her she was pretty. Everyone around me was also so busy with whatever they were doing that they couldn’t care less about me socializing with a girl in public. They would most likely think that she was already a friend or something. All my fears that prevented me from scoring dates with women were false scenarios that were blown way out of proportion within my own mind. I learned that most things in modern society that may seem scary aren’t really dangerous at all (Of course, there are exceptions like jumping off a cliff without a parachute. Use your common sense now.) Things like a scary job interview, an important exam, a competition, public speaking, or asking a girl out. Most of the time if not all the time, the amount of value gained from pushing past your fears and doing something uncomfortable will surpass the amount of discomfort. You will gain so much value and experience and lose nothing.
