Dating : Confessions of the Sexually Starved

It’s been a common joke for years that nerds can’t get girlfriends. But have you ever thought about what it’s like to be that guy who can’t attract women? What happens when the joke is on you?

I’m 37. I’ve never had sex. Why? For a number of reasons. First, I live in a state that has values that conflict with my own. I’m a non-believer in the Bible Belt. Most women I see online have written on their dating profiles something to the effect of “Looking for a man who loves Jesus.” That’s definitely not me.

Oh, and I don’t follow sports, and here in Oklahoma, college sports are huge.

Also, I don’t want kids and I don’t want to date anyone with kids. By now, you’re probably starting to see the problem. My standards are such that few prospective partners can meet them. You might be thinking, “Well, just lower your standards.” If only it were that simple.

You see, I have Asperger’s. This makes me very awkward on dates and I simply can’t grasp the mechanics of flirting. It’s also left me unable to deal with things that neurotypical guys can do with ease. It’s the reason I don’t want to have kids or be around them most of the time. They drive me nuts.

Okay, now that we’ve established the reasons for my difficulties in achieving a love life of any kind, let’s look at what it’s actually like to be that guy.

My inability to attract a mate leaves me with severe depression because I can’t fill that hole in my life. Sometimes I have difficulty functioning due to this. People have told me, “Don’t worry about it. You’ll find someone.” Well, I’m getting to be middle-aged and that hasn’t happened. It’s easy for people to say things like that because they’ve already found love and don’t understand the hurdles in my way.

It also eats away at me every time I see a happy couple out in the world. I think, why can’t I find someone? Why does every guy but me get to be happy? Yeah, I know it’s not every guy, but it feels like it.

Sometimes feelings of misogyny set in. Sometimes I get mad at all women for their apparent collective decision to reject me. Again, it’s irrational, but feelings aren’t always rational.

I hear people talk about self-love and what a great thing it is. But it’s not so great when it’s all you’ve ever had. I have to get gratification from women I’ve never even met. Anyone who’s actually had sex will tell you it’s not even close to being the same. I know at least that much.

In short, being eternally single erodes my mental health. I can sometimes feel my sanity slipping away. Is that normal? Probably not. But if I were normal, I wouldn’t have written this.

I’ve been told I shouldn’t share these thoughts publicly, for if a potential mate were to see it, she would get scared off. I’ve chosen to do it anyway because the world needs to hear this.