h2>Dating : Connect before you break up
Most breakups can be avoided. So how do you create a stronger connection before you’re heading towards a breakup?
You used to be so aligned, but now you seem to be on a different frequency. You may talk, but you can no longer understand each other. What happened?
Here are 5 steps for a stronger connection with your partner:
Step 1: Awareness
Become aware of the dynamics that have developed in your relationship. These were already present when you started dating, but when you fall in love, your boundaries fade so much faster. We look at each other through pink glasses. Actually, we don’t see the person in front of us like he really is, but how we actually want him to be.
Step 2: Forgiveness
A beautiful quote that always stays with me is: “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?”
When it feels like you are drifting further and further apart, forgive.
Forgive yourself, and hug all the parts of yourself that you haven’t embraced yet. People are not perfect, and we don’t have to aim for that. Perfection is just a creation of our mind, it’s an illusion.
And it drives us crazy.
Idealization makes us want to manipulate the people we love, and it tries to push us shaping them in the way we desire.
As if we want our partner to do that to us. Right?
So forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive your partner. Forgive him for not always making himself understandable and rarely telling you how he feels. Forgive him for not saying ‘I love you’ as often as you desire. And forgive yourself for feeling insecure about that.
Step 3: Tackling old beliefs
Now, we are going to explore what your reality is about love and relationships. What is your truth? What are your beliefs? Write them down.
Do you believe in happily ever after? Or are you scared that you’ll never find the one? Are you afraid to make the same mistakes as your parents did? Do you believe that you’ll never be good enough, that you’ll always have to try harder? What stories do you tell yourself? And do you believe them?
Most of our old beliefs do not benefit us. They only limit us in connecting with each other. And that’s such a shame.
So rewrite your new story. What do you like to believe about love? How do you want to feel in your relationship? And what small step in the right direction can you take?
Step 4: Your relationship
How do you experience your relationship? If you are scared that it’s heading towards a breakup, I expect you to feel unsatisfied.
What problems are you facing together?
Maybe you are poor at communication. You might not be saying how you really feel and run around in cirkles. Maybe your partner is avoiding certain topics, or you consciously ignore them. Whatever is going on in your relationship, write it down. The positives and the negatives. Especially the positives, make them 80 % of your list, if possible, and focus on them.
We spare our friends and family a lot more from criticism, than our partners. Isn’t that aweful? Once, we were on Cloud 9, and now, we can’t even seem to give our partner a chance to be understood.
Step 5: Connecting
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