Dating : Dark Light: A Story of Twin Flames

Before January of 2017 I didn’t believe in Twin Flames. I don’t think I even knew what they were at the time, or if I did, I brushed it all off as the product of a New Age imagination where all kinds of strange ideas gets passed around the water cooler along with stories of having been abducted by aliens.

I did sort of believe in a soul mate, though. The possibility of one. Someone who complements me well, has strengths that covers my weaknesses and weaknesses that my strengths compensate for.

I believed in that much at least.

But it took my meeting a polyamorous married woman to realize that yes, there is something to this Twin Flame idea.

It started with me being out of a relationship for about four months. It was with a good woman that my mother liked and for some reason or another, I didn’t feel terribly attracted towards. On paper she was what I wanted for years. A lady with conservative values, attentive and kind and a great cook who didn’t use sex as a bartering tool for things she wanted from me… It seemed like THIS was the girl I was looking for.

But… that relationship was too easy for me to be in. I didn’t have to ask for anything. She knew what I wanted. Was always generous. Always attentive and loving but… a part of me closed up and I didn’t feel like I could really open up to this woman. As beautiful as she was. Eventually my unwillingness to become vulnerable with her had the consequence of killing off the attraction she felt for me. She was doing so much and I was doing so little. Another part of why I was fearful about opening up is that I was coming from a string of relationships with women that I really didn’t want to be with and was hurt by.

Enter the polyamorous married woman. We’ll call her Mae.

Mae had her profile up on a dating site that I was on. I saw her profile, noticed she was poly and I liked how she looked. But… poly! Married! My alarm bells were ringing. Still, I had to read her profile and… there was a thing about her wanting to join the Freemasons. Well… I knew a bit about the Freemasons so I messaged her.

And that was that.

For the next couple of days we exchanged these long messages. Then, she suggested we talk on the phone. Again… Married woman! Poly! My mind screamed at me. This wasn’t going to work!

But where’s the harm in just having a friendly conversation…?

That friendly conversation turned into nightly phone calls for a week. Then she suggested we meet. Again, I was telling myself it’s just a friendly thing even though I expected there wasn’t going to be a future with us.

We met outside of a coffee shop, I thought it was funny she texted me while walking up saying how she felt she was going to puke.

“Don’t puke on me” I think I remember saying.

We came face to face and… well, there wasn’t really anything. I didn’t feel sparks or fireworks to be honest. It was a married polyamorous woman and I going for coffee and then into a New Age store and then walking along the street looking at art and then dinner…

It was dinner that did it. I don’t know what happened, but it felt like a giant bubble floated down from the ceiling and enclosed us in this field where time did not exist. Where other people didn’t exist. I remember being baffled at how quickly we were done our meal and yet we’ve been there for about two hours.

Walking with her to the car, I sat inside for a bit where she grabbed my hand and started stroking it.

Tingles.

And a really familiar comforting feeling came over me.

I really liked her touching me.

At this point, those alarm bells stopped ringing and I thought…

“Well, how is this supposed to work out? Am I supposed to be happy just having her for sex? And sharing her with her husband and some other guy that she joked about giving a blowjob to?”

This woman was NOT the kind of lady you would bring home to meet your mother. She didn’t have any conservative Christian values and still…

Still…

There was something so tremendously appealing about what I was feeling from her.

One of the things that Twin Flame “people” like to talk about is that feeling of instant familarity. We had this. I could look comfortably into Mae’s eyes and get lost in them. I didn’t need to look away and refocus.

And the same for her.

Eventually, she had to introduce me to her husband to get his approval for us to start having sex. I know… As a conservative man who was looking for a partner to settle down with, this wasn’t at all what I expected to be going through.

Once I passed the introduction… well…

We had a heck of an amazing night together.

I still have the pictures of us in bed with this… look on our faces of ecstasy and bliss and…

We’ve only known each other for two weeks at this point.

What the fuck is going on?!

She then was doing nice things for me. Baking me scones, sending me sexy pictures of herself on Valentines Day and… Somewhere around then was when she inexplicably went into a bad mood.

For no reason I can remember. No reason she can remember, either.

As a writer, I keep a private blog where I write down my thoughts about interesting moments in my life and on that day I remember being deeply puzzled by her spontaneous anger and irritation.

It got to the point where I suggested we meet at a McDonalds to talk about it. Except when I got there, she didn’t want to talk about it. She kept laughing off my concerns and wouldn’t explain her hostility.

At this point I realized that I didn’t want this kind of drama in my life. I wanted someone rational. Who I could be with and not have to share with a bunch of other guys. I was proud of myself for not writing her off early and giving her a chance.

But, no more. There was no future to be had with a married poly woman.

I should also mention that she is nine years younger than I am, so… the age gap meant that we were on two different levels of maturity. Particularly when it came to discussing and resolving conflict.

So in our conversation I remember asking her “Do you think I want to hurt people?” and she responded with a laugh and a “maybe” …that was when I lost it. I left my food at the table and walked the hell out of that place. WE WERE DONE.

I’m not going to tolerate disrespectful and irrational behavior just for some really good sex.

From a married poly woman that I couldn’t build a future with.

A woman I couldn’t possibly introduce to my mother.

But…

Yeah… there’s that but.

Two weeks later she texted me and …

Meh.

I fell for it.

That experience at the restaurant… made me feel so strongly about getting away from her that I ended up driving for about two days east of my province just because I didn’t want to be in my city. I also thought a road trip would do well to get me refocused on my priorities. Finding the right woman to be with.

One of the funny things I remember about that night at McDonalds was how I brought her a gift and then ended up leaving it on her car. It was a coffee mug with “The Kiss” by Gustav Klimt on it. We were at a store a few days ago when she saw this mug being sold, except it was out of stock and she couldn’t get it.

For some crazy reason I already had this mug in my closet at home. Still wrapped in a box. I’ve had it for months and I don’t know why I bought it to begin with.

As I would soon learn, Twin Flames have their own kind of special magic going for them.

END OF PART ONE