Dating : Date #23: Mr. Silent Vow

Mr. Silent Vow told me that he was taking a vow of silence for a year because he did not feel as if his voice was valued by the people around him. He felt that his being silent will allow the people around him to appreciate him and his ideas.

I didn’t know how this would work, because…well I talk. And he doesn’t.

He said we could text back and forth.

sigh

I didn’t want to continue this. But he persevered. He texted daily. He asked really good questions. Not just questions about me, but my perspective, my dreams, my goals, and what life looks like presently.

He asked SUCH good, I was literally like, “Marianne, give him a chance. He’s got a dope perspective. So, he doesn’t talk. You can text back and forth. It’s not a big deal. Or he can bring a notebook and write. Like, it’s fine.”

He asked me out and asked if I wanted to go to a museum. I chose the Menil Collection and we decided to meet after I was done at church. He asked if I wanted him to go to church with me. At first I told him he could, but then I told him it was too soon. Like, we hadn’t even gone on a date, yet.

My church folks are family, y’all. They are my tribe. They would have busted out with all the questions. And I didn’t know how to explain that he was taking a vow of silence. So, I told him I would meet him at the museum.

I go to lunch with my people and all of the sudden, I was late in meeting Mr. Vow of Silence. I called him to tell him I was 10 minutes late, expecting him to just listen. But he responded, saying, “You’re taking a long time.”

I didn’t realize until after I hung up that this was the first time I heard his voice. And..he low key rude. I arrived and parked and told him what I was wearing. I saw him and was underwhelmed. He was wearing a windbreaker and jeans. He was shorter than he claimed. He was cute, but if first impressions are everything, he wasn’t trying hard.

We hugged. I told him I was sorry for making him break his vow.

He said, “Nah, I was thinking about breaking it anyways. What kind of date would it be if we couldn’t talk?”

…didn’t I say that from the jump? But, whatevs.

We go inside and check out the different exhibits.

Y’all, going to the museum is a beautiful date when it’s with the right person. It’s also a really good way to see how people think and what their perspectives are.

As we walked through different abstract pieces, we had different perspectives of what we thought each piece meant and how we saw it. I liked hearing his perspective because it was so different from mine. Mr. Vow of Silence was really intelligent. The things that I couldn’t figure out, he did within a second. He has a very creative brain, but I don’t think he had the right people around him to harness and cultivate that creativity.

Throughout the museum visit, Mr. Silent Vow was affectionate. He held my hand consistently. He put his arms around my waist and shoulders. I didn’t mind, it. It felt kind of nice.

We walked through all exhibits. We walked through two other buildings that I had never been to. I really enjoyed the works of Cy Twombly. There was a guard that we talked to in there who told us that he saw us in the main building. (Were we an odd looking pair, or what?) He told us about the works of Cy Twombly and how Twombly would create based on his emotion and create in one sitting.

Here is a picture of a piece that I adored. I’m not sure if I was supposed to take a picture, but if the rules aren’t obvious, I usually do. I literally gasped as I went inside the room.

After we went to that building, we went to the Menil Drawing Institute, looked through the pieces there, then sat on a bench outside.

This was my favorite part of the date, honestly. I took a mental picture of what we were in front of. There was a beautiful tree and it was surrounded by bushes. Mr. Vow of Silence noticed a bird that was perched by the roots of the tree. There were bees that buzzed around the shrubs. It was really peaceful. And Mr. Vow of Silence talked.

Now, that’s not an understatement. This guy had built up three weeks of silence and he used up all my energy by talking like he hadn’t talked in three weeks. He asked me what I was thinking about and honestly, I wasn’t thinking about anything. Just trying to process the fountain of words that were cascading out of his mouth.

His mind was so beautiful. But, I was tired. I texted my roommate, Rocky, and I told her that I wanted him to be silent, again.

He took the bus to get to the museum, so I offered him a ride home. He asked if he could stop by a restaurant to buy some Peking Duck for dinner.

what?

I took him to the place. I’ve actually been there before. He bought some and bought himself a tea and didn’t ask if I wanted anything. really? ugh.

I took him home and he talked my ear off, not really noticing my silence. Who was taking the vow, here? I dropped him off. He kissed my cheek. I went home, exhausted.

After the Date: He texted to make sure I got home alright. I told him I did.

I processed this date with my roommates. And as I processed, I realized that this wasn’t going anywhere. Nor was it worth pursuing, truly.

He texted me the next day and told me he was going to continue his vow of silence. Afterwards, I asked him how he felt about being friends. He was oddly upset. He was bordering on rude, actually.

We went on ONE date. I know I’m amazing, but don’t be upset that I don’t want to take things further. It. Was. One. Date.

I thought I was kind. I told my roommate, Celeste what he said. Her retort was, “The same friends that made you get on this vow of silence in the first place?”

Where’s the lie, sis? Where’s the lie.

Lessons learned: Everything can go really well on a date, but if you don’t have the right chemistry, it’s a moot point. And it’s not anything you can really explain nor plan for. You either feel it or you don’t.

Things went well, but retrospectively, there was no spark or chemistry. I really admired his perspective and point of view. He had really great plans for the future, but I’m not going to stick around and wait for that to happen. I forgot to mention he was 27. I actually kept forgetting that because intellectually, he was pretty mature. But a 7 year difference is a big difference, which brings me to my next lesson: timing.

If we had met when he was 34, there would have been something to stick around for, if what he planned for came into fruition. He has goals and levels he wants to achieve. If we had met at the time that he was already close to achieving them, then I would probably stick around. But…he’s far away from that. And his present situation is not something I would like to stick around for. It’s not rude, it’s just reality.

The last lesson I learned was, even with all the positive qualities that he had, I straight up did not want to stick around. Listen. being in your 30s, you have to harness your energy. Not just energy to date, but energy to EXIST. And I am learning that my time is valuable because I don’t have a lot of it. My energy is valuable, because I don’t have a lot of that, either.

So while my earlier dating tales was all about being open to different opportunities, it’s now become a space of being true to what I want and what I have space for. Because after all these dates, I’m finally realizing what it is I want.

I’m not really sure what date to tell you about next, since we are hopping around date wise. But, whichever date is next, I’m sure it will be worth telling.