Dating : Dating during COVID-19

Dating in general is hard, however dating during the current COVID-19 pandemic has made it even harder. Myself like many of you out there are at a point in our life, where we aren’t just looking for a hookup. We are looking for our soulmate! Someone we could picture spending the rest of our lives with. With social distancing being a major topic around the world, single people have to come up with new creative ways to date while keeping our distance. In the past I was opposed to internet dating and apps, but now I have a different outlook on how to find love in the new age.

I’ve been very vocal about the dangers of online dating because it’s a fishing pool for predators to find their prey. Online dating is risky, because anyone can appear however they want you to see them. It’s an easy way to get sucked in by someone that has ulterior motives, like my mother did in Dirty John. I’ve known of very few people who meet their boyfriends or even husbands on an app or a site, however the majority have not had the best of luck. Most of my friends and myself have had horrible dates or ended up with the guy and the guy never deleted the app. I was so against finding your significant other through this way because of all the horrible people that can be on there, however with this new day and age I’ve had a difference of opinion.

My opinion about online dating has changed for the time being because this world has changed for the moment. We have new rules and new restrictions that make it extremely difficult to meet new people. We can’t meet people out and about like we would have before COVID-19. Many people who haven’t been on the apps before are now getting on them because choices are limited in meeting people. People are wanting to connect and most people have slowed down their lives and have the time to meet somebody new. Our instincts are also telling us that we should meet someone new right now because of all this change.

The other day during my therapy session, my therapist suggested I should try online dating to meet new people. I almost fought her on that. I had such hatred towards online dating, however I think she’s right. For the time being I need to be more open to other ways in meeting men. I’m at the place in my life where I’m wanting to find someone to be with for the rest of my life. Now I have nothing but time, so why not try it out for now? In order to avoid those predators, you just have to be aware of the red flags and take caution.

Someone going on the apps should be cautious of what they are telling the other person. They should be cautious about telling them where you live, how much money you have, your last name, or anything you think is too personal for you to be giving out. When you’re linking the app, don’t link your Instagram, that is a given way for someone to be able to find out personal information and possibly have you as a target. One thing that is also great to keep in mind is to always trust your gut! Your gut has more cells in it than a dog has in its whole body. Dogs are extremely intuitive which means we should have that instinct, as long as we listen to it.

When you’re on the app you should ALWAYS have boundaries with the person you are communicating with. Don’t get caught up in talking to one person everyday. I would suggest talking to them 2 to 4 days a week via message and then scheduling a zoom date once a week. It’s important you limit messaging in the first month or two to practice healthy boundaries. It is easy for a person to get obsessive thoughts and attach themselves to a person during this time creating a co-dependent relationship.

It’s perfectly normal to be feeling depressed or sad during this time, however don’t let that new romantic interest be your distraction. It’s so important to find things that make you happy other than relying on a romantic connection to give you that feeling. How you start a relationship will be the foundation for your relationship, so it’s important to start it out healthy. Try to find healthy activities and talk to your friends/therapist to help with any anxiety or sad feelings.

Many people like myself have made this mistake but you must SAVE THE DRAMA for your mama or maybe your friend or a therapist. If you are having a hard time during the quarantine or you have some drama you need to talk about…you need to save that conversation for a friend, therapist, or someone you can talk to that you trust. No one who you get into a relationship with wants to hear what drama is going on in your life. They may pretend to be nice or care but they don’t want to hear that you’re depressed right now, your friend might though!! Remember this is going to be the foundation of your relationship, so you should talk about things that make you happy. Talk about your interest, your hobbies, what you like about your job, and what you want in your future. You will go further in your conversations and have a better foundation for your relationship if you take this advice.

If you are not fully on board with a dating app, I understand. I have to be honest even though I have changed my mind, I still have not jumped on and started swiping on possible matches. I was about to download an exclusive dating app when my friend messaged me and told me that I should check out this matchmaker service she was trying. I did my research on the service and was intrigued. The service is an exclusive dating service and is referral only. They have successfully set up 24 matches and one of my other friends interviewed them for her show. The matchmakers get to know you and set up matches based on compatibility, unlike the app I was going to join. I decided to give that a go instead.

I just started to get involved with the matchmaking service. One of the girls who runs the service had me feel out a lengthy questionnaire, reviewed it, and then we did a 30 minute facetime. The matchmaking service has a random virtual date for COVID-19 also and so I signed up for that. She contacted me a week later and let me know I was drawn for a random virtual date.

The hour before my date came, all my anxious thoughts overwhelmed myself and I had to figure out how to get ready fast. I ended up showering, throwing on a cute day time dress, and putting on a touch of make- up. I normally would get a little bit more dolled for a date, however that would require more time. Time I didn’t have even though I have no excuse for being late when I’m just at home.

I rushed over to my computer where I at least made sure it was charged fully. Even though I was in the comfort of my own place, had nothing but time on my hand to prepare, and could escape this date safely, I was still incredibly nervous. My anxiety kept telling me I better not screw this up and I better not act like it’s an interview for him or I. I feel like I have the tendency to turn my dates into a podcast interview, so I was nervous I was going to do that. My anxiety was taking over and then I looked at the clock. The time was a minute passed and I had to join the zoom call…

Getting on the zoom call took me a few minutes since, I mostly always have technical difficulties with logging into apps like that. I was a bit flustered but pulled myself together since it wouldn’t be a good look to hop on the frazzled call. The date was for an hour and went by so fast. For this being a random date we had a lot in common and I was instantly intrigued by him. It was a great first virtual date for quarantine and we have plans to do another one soon.

I am excited for the future dates to come with them. This random date was nice and we had a lot in common so I can’t wait to see the other choices that they have chosen for me. Unlike Online dating, it’s personal, more exclusive, and someone is there to help guide you through this process to help you find your perfect person. Also if you have a track record of dating toxic men, it will be less likely to encounter through a professional matchmaking service. It’s exactly the service I need during this time.

There is a third option for anyone who doesn’t want to try out a match maker or go on the dating apps. You can ask your friends if they or their significant other knows of anyone that might make a good match. Your friends know you better than any computer or matchmaker so this might be the best way to go anyways. Don’t be shy and tell them you would love to meet someone if they know of anyone. They even might get creative and think of people you know that might be a good match.

Whatever way you choose to date in COVID-19, make sure you are doing it virtually! It’s so easy to give in and want to see and meet this person however it’s not smart to. Social distancing is extremely important to do and you need to do it with your dating life also. If you can’t go 1–2 months without not seeing this new person you’re dating then ask yourself this… Are you dating them for the right reason? Why do you need to see them so badly? Are they really here for the right reasons? Think logically in this situation and don’t let your heart get swept away quite yet. There are going to be so many toxic, co- dependant, and just bad relationships starting up right now. Just date with boundaries during this time and you will be on your way to finding a healthy stable relationship that will last!