Dating : Depression days was my best days

But only now that they are gone

A few years ago, I thought I had found the love of my life. From just first attempt, considering I had only a month relationship before that. I was 15 when I met him and about 20 when I lost the world under my feet. I got through depression all alone. But I am standing here now, strong, positive, and confident to say that it was the greatest thing that happened to me!

For a whole year after my biggest breakup, I was living all alone in a country with no relatives except my ex’s mother to help me in any way I needed. God bless this woman, she is until now, one of my favorite persons to talk to, and we keep in touch every now and then. I had a job, thankfully, but my small salary was all going to rent and groceries.

My worst year comparing to others for many reasons. I used to hang out with 2 friends and drink every night until 4 am at least. Then go back home, cry till I sleep every night, and wake up at 8 again to go to work.

My boss back then was an asshole. He was literally taking advantage of me (and everyone else) because I needed the money, so whenever anything happened, I was always there to fix it. Two girls scheduled vacation the same days? Sure, I’m gonna do their hours. Another one is sick? I’m gonna cover him, too. Just like that, I got myself better money at the end of the month, but at what cost? Working at least 10 hours on good days. There were days I worked 16 hours straight. Weeks without a day off on a summer full of tourists. (I was working in a cafe-restaurant, so the summer was a living hell. For those who worked 8 hours…)

It might sound like whining, but it’s not. Not only I got better money, but I also got myself out of thinking about my broken heart.

For months I tried to date a couple of guys. Biggest mistake of my life. Not because they weren’t good guys (they weren’t though). But because instead of living for the first time free, no parents, no relationship, my house, my rules, I just tried to put myself in a relationship again. And I tried hard, which should probably give me a hint it wasn’t worth it.

I also tried hard to get him back. Begged, to be honest. A few months later I saw him with another girl (that he is still with, now, 4 years later). It hurt me a lot. I was trying to find someone too. But when he had found someone, hurt me twice. He showed me, he had really moved on.

We were talking. It wasn’t anything like bad fights and hate between us, not even at the breaking up times. Today I actually think that he managed me pretty well.

Once he had second thoughts. Once that I know of. His girlfriend actually told me. But not in a bad way. She just messaged me that he is thinking of me and if he really wants to be back with me, she will help him, trying to be my friend and calm me down. My bad reactions were so obvious, I guess, that I needed calming down. That didn’t happen, anyway. He decided not to come back to me.

Today that’s fine. Back then it wasn’t so fine. Remembering these days make me feel pain until now.

But also.

It was one of my best years because I was totally free from everyone. I had a good time with my friends and got so many memories. A little bit sad, but important memories. I had a great lesson that I could never forget. I wouldn’t take it back.

A year after that I met my husband. And since then he showed me how empty was my idea of relationships. He showed me the world like no one ever had. Our beautiful daughter was born just a few months before our wedding anniversary. There is a “happily ever after”.

Depression is bad. But coming out of it, it makes you see life differently. I was in a pretty dark place back then. But the woman I was before that, has nothing to do with the one that I am now. And I wouldn’t change that for the world.

Written by TanyaIv

Edited by Vicky Jangra