Dating : Everyone Felt Wrong Before You

That’s how I knew everyone before you wasn’t right. They weren’t you. They didn’t have your gentleness. They didn’t have your strength nor your stamina. They didn’t have your integrity, loyalty, and nurturing ways. Everything they were, was nothing like who you are.

I knew you were him the day you came into my life because you knew, I needed someone. I am strong. I’ve been on my own for many years. I don’t ask for help. I know what I need to do and it gets done with gratitude. You felt my despair. You came for me. To walk this journey with me.

After all my heartaches, because they weren’t you- I told myself, I didn’t need anyone. I made myself believe I could be without you on my own. Love is too risky and complicated.

It’s too difficult and draining. I made myself believe you didn’t exist. I made myself believe you would never come. Lie after lie, I swallowed each one to protect my heart. I no longer had the strength to be disappointed more time. The disappointment soul crushing.

Realizing none were you and I wasted time once again; making someone fit what I wanted them to be; what I needed them to be.

I’m so over it. I built a life-a Happy one. It’s not perfect, but as far as building a life from scratch on my own, it’s a damn good life.

I’ll admit as happy as it is- I’m scratching the surface of happiness. Not riding the wave-more like skimming the top.

Whatever– this is closest I’ve gotten to happiness. I’m free and it’s on my terms. I created this life. I swear, I’ll make it epic, even by myself.

See, I told myself this was enough. It’s truthfully not. True happiness eludes me. Truth is, I’m out of hoping. There’s been too many let downs. I don’t have any more to give hope.

Yet and still, I feel you. I feel you near me. I’ve felt you close, but I don’t have it in me to hope for your arrival, yet I don’t have it in me to pretend you don’t exist either.

With no resistance- I intend to cease. Cease fire and wave my white flag. Today, I’ll allow you to come closer. Hoping one day, you may get close enough, to catch me on a good day.

I long for the day I am not the only one that listens to the dreams in my heart.