Dating : GFD Life: Finding a Partner Online (m4F)

[Potential NSFW Content. Read at your own risk.]

Welcome to Gentle FemDom Life. I thought I’d begin this series with the most popular and obvious topic floating around here.

“I’m a pretty submissive guy and I’m brand new to this and I’m looking for a dominant lady! What do I do!”

Fear not, sweet pet. There is hope for you yet. (Rhyme not intentional). Let’s take this step by step.

“There are so few dominant ladies in the world!”

False. All people love power. A lot of girls are just afraid to stir the pot and ask for something different. Sometimes they just don’t know the name. But they exist.

“I’m too ugly to find a dom girl.”

False. You’re probably not as ugly as you think you are. There are plenty of ways you can improve your appearance literally right now today (articles on that to come). Also — ugly girls exist too. They’ve got a lot of love to give and they’re ready to give you a chance.

“I’m too awkward / shy / I always get rejected”

Sucks. Keep trying. Charisma is a skill you can train. Try to open yourself up more. Practice people skills. This is not a brick wall. Also — awkward/shy girls exist too.

“I’ve tried everything.”

No. You haven’t.

There’s someone for everyone. Your perfect lady is out there!

But it CAN, I admit, be a huge pain in the ass to locate her. Trust me, I put blood sweat and tears into my search for my perfect boy pet. It’s hard. But that’s how I know it can be done. So without further ado…

Let’s talk online platforms. I’ve used all of these, with varying amounts of success. Here’s what I’ve learned.

Tinder / Bumble / etc.

Everyone is on these. You’ve got the largest pool of applicants for sure. I’d actually venture a guess that there are more Dom Girls on Tinder than Sub Boys. Simply because, well, putting yourself out there publicly is bold. But that’s the same reason it’s gonna be hard for you guys.

What are you supposed to do? “Hello, I’m Steve, I’m looking for a woman to plow my ass.” Eh. You could, but your buddies from high school will probably see it.

There are ways you can use the platforms to subtly suggest what you’re interested in. If you’ve got a sweet softboy aesthetic, the Tinder doms will snap you up. An oversized turtleneck and an aegyo face might just do the trick.

If you’re afraid to be public about your interested, you’re not alone. You got some more options.

FetLife.com

FetLife is uh…how do I put this… a little icky. The demographic skews much older and more traditional in terms of kink. Gentle FemDom has yet to make a big community there. The terrible user interface deters the young digital natives from using the site. Whether or not you’ll find success here is literally a factor of your age and your interests.

Are you over 40 and love SPH? FetLife is for you!!

Are you under 25 and want to be softly held by a Big Tiddy Goth Girl? Stay away from FetLife.

Tumblr

RIP.

Tumblr was the absolute best place to find partners for young GFD hopefuls until the FOSTA-SESTA apocalypse. Long story. Ask someone else. TLDR; all the porn was taken off the site and nobody can post their nudies anymore. All sex-based fandoms and communities were decimated.

That said, some people still use the site. I’d say it’s worth a shot. There’s some nice art at least. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Reddit

When most people took refuge in Twitter after Tumblr’s death, I chose Reddit. It seems to foster tighter closed communities based on niche interests. Only problem with Reddit is that it’s very heavily skewed male. Very few ladies on there. But I’ve spoken to some! (I also am one.) Not all hope it lost! Just be polite when sending messages because Reddit ladies have short patience!!

Real life events

I’ve personally not found a lot of success with these. There aren’t many single women at events, for starters. Like FetLife, the crowd skews older. Basic BDSM clubs are kinda yucky. Maybe if you’ve found an advertisement for a really niche event in something you’re interested in, you’ll make some friends. It’ll depends on how comfortable you are in the bar/club setting and if you’re a charismatic “light up a room” type.

No harm in going to check it out though!

As an outspoken dom lady online, I get a lot of messages and solicitations. It’s easy for messages to get buried. But you bet there are some that stand out from the crowd.

Your profile is your dating resume. Treat it as such.

What do you look like? What do you do? What are your interests? Your values? Favorite elements of kink? Experience level? Texting style? A couple of social media posts can tell me a lot about you. These are important things I’m looking for when I’m scrolling down a page of content looking for some Good Boys. I want to be able to go to someone’s page and learn a lot about them in a single snapshot.

Think of it this way. Not everyone who applies is getting a personal interview. The hiring manager has to review everyone’s resumes first to see who makes the first round. Then maybe she’ll shoot you an email.

Your profile is your resume. Make it stand out by making yourself look like a great candidate there before you send any personal messages.

Personal Ads

There are forums specifically for posting personal ads. There are usually so many dudes on there that it’s hard see any one of them in depth. But if you do write one (even just to build up your own “resume”) tell the same story as above! Sell yourself as a whole human, not just a name drop random kinky words to try to turn her on (that doesn’t work on women — sorry).

Personal Messages

Be careful!!! Be polite!!! Ladies do not owe you even half a second of their time. If she likes what she sees (if she even opens it), she’ll respond. If not, no big deal! I’ll be sure to cover this later in more depth, but make sure to have a healthy balance of discussing what you have to offer and asking her some casual personal questions. It’s a good hook that gives her something to reply to.

Also — and I say this from personal experience because I frequently send first messages — build in a back door for her to escape from if she’s not interested!!!!!!!!!!! Making her feel stuck will not get you laid. Here are two examples of message endings.

“Would you be interested in seeing more from me??”

BAD! This demands an answer. She has no choice but to say “No.” Which is risky. She’ll just ignore you.

“Let me know if you’d like to see more!”

BETTER! This allows her to say hello and thank you for whatever else you said without forcing her to answer that last question. Even if she doesn’t want to see more, she may still respond.

Be Hot. (Yes you can.)

Sorry.

When I look for partners, I scroll down a social media feed, find anyone I think is cute, check out their profile “resume” and shoot em a nice message. If you want to stand out, you gotta be hot.

Luckily, social media hottness is 50% camera tricks. And I respect that. I look for guys who know how to dress themselves up and take a cute photo for me. There are 1,001 ways you can right now today to improve how you look and the quality of your online photos. More on that later. But it’s possible! (And necessary for keeping up and finding a lady).

Don’t be that guy, fellas.

Strike a balance between over confidence and being too needy.

Don’t make any assumptions about her interest in you. Arrogance is super gross on sub guys. Be careful to check your language and make sure you’re not subconsciously building in expectations of her.

But also, don’t be self deprecating and whiny. Don’t beg. Offer your services and get outta there.

Ask about her style! All doms like different stuff.

What aspects of FemDom get her going? Is she a motherly overbearing smothering kind of Dom? Is she a “lay back and pamper me” kind of Dom? Is she into shame-kink or praise kink? BDSM is a world of contradiction, so don’t assume you understand what she wants to hear until you ask. Certainly don’t start sexting until you know what she likes. Otherwise you’re in for a big yikes.

Follow up once, or even twice. THEN STOP!!!!

Do not bombard her with messages. You will definitely be laughed at and blocked. If she was interested, she would have responded by now. Not classy.

If she’s decided she’s not into you, there ain’t shit you can do about that. Harassment will push you further away. Maybe post a couple of hot pictures and see if she takes the bait. But that’s all.

You’ve found a lady who wants to meet you! Congrats!!! But not too fast there, partner.

Meet once casually, in a public place.

This makes women feel safe. You can get to know each other platonically and see if you vibe on a personal level before any expectations are made about sex. Don’t make sexy promises before you meet at least once. People in person can be very different from how they seem online. Rule out any of those risks first.

From there…just make sure to listen to her needs! She’ll let you know.

I know you’re excited but you’ll have to follow her lead. She’s in charge, remember?

Follow me here on Medium if you want to keep up with my articles. I’m taking suggestions for what topics to cover in more detail. Submit your ideas anonymously here:

Also…

If you’re looking for some new GFD content to read, check out my novel. (It’s major WIP right now. Feedback is appreciated!)

Thanks for reading. Until next time.

— Scarlet