Dating : Growing up I loved the Disney movies.

Growing up I loved the Disney movies. The magic, the songs, the gowns, the feeling of everything is possible. Now, as an adult, I’ve started to question this perfect world and wonder: Do these movies really set a good example for young girls?

If everything goes according to plan 2021 will be the year with the next Disney live action movie, “The Little Mermaid”. Due to this I decided to watch the cartoon again and realized something: Ariel has only known her prince for about 2 minutes and has never even talked to him yet she is immediately ready to leave everything and everyone behind to be with him. Is this the true love we should all be looking for? Lightning that strikes and suddenly you just know?

Such an attitude towards love and relationships is very dangerous because it rarely happens in real life. Most relationships start with getting to know each other, sharing, laughing, making a connection. If you wait for the flash of lightning to hit it is highly possible that you’ll wait your whole life; and miss great opportunities for happiness by ruling out people you don’t instantly fall for.

I myself met my boyfriend, my soul mate, on a dating website and by first appearance I never would’ve fallen in love with him. He didn’t smile in any of the pictures and didn’t really seem like my type but I gave him a chance and once we started to chat we immediately felt this deep connection and understanding. We are so similar and I couldn’t be happier. If I would have rejected him just on first impression I would have missed this extraordinary human being.

If you think about the older Disney movies, especially the one with the princesses, there is another overall theme that bugs me: Most of the women seem to be dependent on men in their everyday lives. Snow White needs to be kissed to be brought back to life, Sleeping Beauty has the same issue. And Cinderella depends on her prince to take her out of an abusive home and he only recognizes her by her shoe! That has always baffled and annoyed me that just because she wore some makeup and a nice dress he can’t remember what she looked like? I would have totally told him off!

My main issue is that children don’t question what they see, they believe whatever the movies tell them. Only as an adult you realize that this is not how it has to be, that women don’t need any man to change their lives; if you are strong minded and creative, you make your own destiny. You don’t need a relationship to be happy if you find fulfillment in your friendships, your job or your hobbies, whatever you like. But if we tell children that your life as a woman will revolve around finding the perfect guy, making this a necessity we put the idea in their heads that they are not worthy without a husband who completes them and this makes me sad.

As a little girl my mind was set on the dream of having a family with kids and a house and a good marriage because I thought that this was the only way. And when I became older, not being the type of girl the boys liked, I stayed single and unhappy for many years, considering myself worthless because I seemed to be unlovable. With time I understood that I was a wonderful, independent person with no need and no pressure to be in a relationship, I had so much to give and so much achieve. I was fortunate to have a family who accepted this but the annoying questions still popped up now and then, “Why are you still single?”, ”Don’t you go out and met guys?” and the worst ”Do you even like guys?” Well yes, I do but we don’t live in the 18th century anymore, I don’t need to be married at a certain age and have someone provide for me. Why is it that after reaching a certain age it is still a weird thing if you’ve never have a relationship before?

I do have to say that Disney has tried to create strong heroines lately and although it’s not perfect I accept that this is a step in the right direction. Moana, Rapunzel, Elsa, Tiana and Merida but also “classic” princesses like Belle, Mulan and Pocahontas try to escape their destiny and are actually quite successful on their own. But if you look closely there are still tiny disappointments: Belle is still considered something special because of her beauty (like her name says), Maui doesn’t take Moana seriously because in his eyes she is a little girl who dares too much. Mulan is only a hero in the end because the emperor rewards her for her bravery. It is an improvement but we are a long way from getting diverse movies.

For example, I still don’t understand that we only have one black princess, Tiana. This movie is clever and funny and romantic and shows the great city New Orleans and their love for jazz music. You can’t tell me there are no other interesting stories to tell revolving around a colored princess, I think they just don’t want to upset anybody. And that isn’t all, “love is love” has become an important topic in our society and as a supporter I would really look forward to a lesbian princess? Or a gay hero? I don’t understand why we haven’t seen this before, are you saying that a princess can’t be gay? Because that is just stupid. Do the people at Disney still think that they could get into trouble for showing “different” love? I don’t know but for such an influential studio company there still seems to be a rather old-fashioned set of mind.

In the end I would like to point out that I actually like Disney very much and that their movies have brought me great joy and wonder as a child. But just because you really care for something doesn’t mean you can’t question it’s intentions and it’s influences on society. And I actually believe, considering their power in the industry, that Disney could set new standards and help girls (and boys) around the world understand: Anything is possible, you are the master of your destiny.