Dating : Here’s What I’ve Learnt from My Situationships

Situationships are definitely becoming more common, with more and more young people opting for something a little less committed and more flexible to match their more nomadic lifestyles. As someone who has been in a few situationships, albeit not necessarily by choice, there are many key things I’ve learnt which I hope can help you navigate your love life.

Firstly, although society tends to portray the images of men being strong and less “emotional” than women, I’ve learnt that this isn’t necessarily true. Guys often aren’t as brave as they seem and a lot of the time when something doesn’t appear to be affecting them, it actually is — they just won’t tell anyone about it. Even within undefined relationships, two people can still catch strong feelings for each other. That means that even if the guy you’re seeing always seems calm and collected around you and appears perfectly content with seeing you casually, he could actually be really into you and you’d never know.

While women are typically open to seeing a guy who has potential, guys usually don’t offer women the same benefit of the doubt. Guys know whether they’re interested in a girl pretty early on, whether that’s an interest in courting her, dating or just casually hooking up because he thinks she’s hot. Although he may not tell you directly, more often than not someone’s actions will dictate to you how they feel about you and where they see your journey heading.

That leads me on to my third point, a guy can treat you well and only be interested in sex. This one took me a while to figure out — at first I thought that just because I was being wined and dined it automatically meant a guy was interested in dating me long term. It doesn’t. Men can happily take you out to dinner, pay for the bill and spend quality time with you without even mentioning something physical. Until you’re alone in his car and he’s asking if you want to hear his sex playlist, that is.

The final thing I’ve learnt is that two people can be on a completely different page (even in completely different books) and not realise. The saying “women are from Venus and men are from Mars” comes to mind and, although I don’t think we’re that different, I do think that men usually favour a more straightforward communication style whereas women prefer to discuss at length.

I’ve had multiple instances where I’ve spent a good five minutes explaining my point of view on something, only to have the guy I’m talking to ask, “so what does that mean?” One guy I’d been dating for a few weeks even asked if I could always include a summary sentence at the end of what I’m saying so he could understand the main point. I don’t think I’m a bad communicator (at least I hope not), but it made me realise that sometimes we may talk without checking in to make sure the other person has understood us. Especially if the topic is about the nature of your relationship, it is essential to make sure you’re both in agreement, or at least understand where the other person is at.

Although these are things I’ve personally learnt from my situationships, they really can apply to any type of relationship. The main thing is just to make sure that, whatever your situation is, you remain open to communicate with the other person.