Dating : Here’s Why You Still Remain Single, According to Psychology

On the one hand, we have excessive self-hatred: we might prefer to be single, because, deep down, we believe we’re so damaged that we don’t deserve to be in a relationship and that we’re unworthy of love.

According to the definition of self-hatred in Psychology Today,

“Self-hatred encompasses continual feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and low self-esteem. People may constantly compare themselves to others, perceive only the negative and ignore the positive, and believe that they will never be “good enough.”

These continual feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem lead us to believe that we’re unworthy of love and that everyone else can see it, too. And when someone can’t see it, we immediately think that there must be something wrong with them — they’re probably desperate, weak, or try to deceive us.

As philosopher, author, and founder of School of Life Alain de Botton explains in this video:

“Self-hatred is the more poignant of the pair. On being approached by someone, however initially attractive and competent they might be, we begin to wonder why they should be so naive, so desperate, and so weak as to be drawn to someone like us. When we are inadequately convinced of our own likeability, the attentions of another person must forever seem illegitimate and peculiar, and reflect poorly on their donor. Love feels like a gift we haven’t earned, don’t deserve – and must therefore take care eventually to throw away.”

Think about this: We need to ask ourselves a crucial question: “Aren’t we all flawed?” We have to understand that, at the end of the day, the fear of not being good enough to receive and give love, exists only in our heads. Yes, we might be imperfect but so is everyone around us.

Each one of us is flawed — but each one of us is equally worthy of love. If we allow ourselves to get close to someone and give them the chance to love us, with all of our flaws and weaknesses, we might see that, after all, there’s nothing wrong with being imperfect.