Dating : Hey, Your Partner Isn’t Yours

“Thinkin’ maybe someone is not something to own.” — Frank Ocean

In romantic relationships, many of us tend to want to possess our significant others. Look at the way in which we define their relationship to us — MY girlfriend, MY boyfriend, MY, MY, MY.

I’m currently seeing a resilient, intelligent, independent, beautiful woman — and despite writing this article, I still use possessive terms to describe her relationship with me. But, I know I don’t possess her. Each day she wakes up and decides whether she wants to be with me. Each she chooses whether she wants to spend her time with me or not Each day she determines if she feels I’m supporting her and being helpful during her individual journey. If she wakes up one day and decides she no longer prioritizes spending time with me…I respect her decision. I will be upset, hurt, disappointed, and perhaps feel a host of other emotions…but I will respect her decision.

“Love consists of this: two solitudes that meet, protect and greet each other.” — Rainer Maria Rilke

She is on her own individual journey and I respect her right to individual choice. We aren’t a single entity. We aren’t merging into a single corporation. We are partners — two individuals working together towards the common goal of helping one another grow and flourish. While working towards the goal of individual growth, we receive wonderful byproducts — like the growth of our partnership. With each consecutive moment we choose to support one another in our individual journeys, we continue to understand one another on a deeper level. We learn more about each other, and most importantly learn how to become a better support system for one another.

We continue to prioritize having activities we don’t share. She lives her individual life, and I live mine. On most days, we choose to get together and share our respective trials and tribulations with one another. We seek advice on how to better navigate our trials, we share stories about our experiences thus far, and we deepen our understanding of one another.

I’m grateful for the moments she chooses to be with me. Her generosity and willingness to share her journey, her stories, and her time with me have allowed us to cultivate a healthy, loving relationship. She has allowed us to create countless beautiful memories together, which I cherish. She challenges me on my behaviors and perspectives, forcing me to grow as a human being. She has given me the chance to love again and reminded me what a loving relationship requires (Hint: forgiveness. Occasionally annoying amounts of forgiveness.)

I have no idea when this partnership might end, so I’m choosing to be grateful for each moment, each day, each week spent with one another. I am privileged to be allowed to roam her inner world, where she keeps her most valuable information stored…and I’m even more privileged to be allowed to add some work of my own to her precious space.

I refuse to take this opportunity for granted.