Dating : How I Knew I Was Ready to Date Again

As a divorcee who hadn’t dated in decades, I was hesitant to reenter the dating scene. I took a lot of time to process my grief and reflect on past mistakes. When I felt that I was in a healthy place and prepared to not repeat the same errors, I decided it was time to get back out there and start dating.

To prepare, I read every snippet of dating advice I could find. I loved hearing about other people’s adventures in dating, but I really wanted to hear their opinions about the best way to participate in the process. I read advice about how to build online dating profiles, and how to stay safe from predators. I watched videos about flirting, and yes, I learned how to have that awkward “safe sex” talk before intimacy.

One article caused me to pause briefly because it seemed to suggest that I wasn’t ready to participate. Specifically, it stated that it was important for a person to identify what they want to get out of dating, or they’ll waste time and mislead others. The article instructed single people to identify exactly what they were looking for in a relationship before they jumped into the dating pool.

I think back on that article and remember how it made me doubt my readiness to participate in the process. Despite my ample research, I had been one of those people who clicked “don’t know yet” to the “What are you seeking” question on dating sites.

Now that some time has passed, I am more confident than ever that I was absolutely ready to date. My openness to receive what comes my way has been a tremendous benefit in dating.

As for what I have been looking for, I have not been attached to any idea of what a new human and I are going to become. I haven’t been seeking anything in particular.

When I started dating, I wondered if I’d meet a man with whom I’d share great physical chemistry and intimacy. After two decades in a toxic relationship, I was excited by the prospect of meeting someone who made me feel cherished and adored.

Fortunately for me, I found myself in such a relationship right before the pandemic hit. The timing was spectacular, and quarantine has been so much better than what it would have been otherwise. We recently went our separate ways due to an acknowledgement that we had incompatible future goals, but we walked away with love in our hearts, and I am grateful for the experience. As I continue on this journey, I’m excited for whatever else may come my way.

I’m hopeful that I may gain a new friend, someone with whom I can share my interests and reveal my quirks. The potential exists that I may even find someone I want to spend my life with …and that feeling might be reciprocated…or not. I don’t know. I put myself out there because I’m excited by the potential that comes from taking a chance. Getting my heart broken is another possibility that exists in dating, and though I’d never ask for it outright, heartbreak has consistently provided me with immense growth experience so I am open to that possibility as well.

Most of the time I simply encounter other souls while we pass each other en route to other destinations. That’s fine, too. I love that I am able to walk away from situations that aren’t compatible with what I want in my life, and honor another’s ability to do the same.

My life is wonderful. It’s not perfect; we’re in the midst of a pandemic, and f#%* if I know what retirement is going to look like in twenty-some-odd years, but I’m an optimist, and I’m happy with my life right now.

What I’m saying is: I am not seeking anything to fill a void so I am not motivated to make people fit where they don’t belong. If anything, I’m seeking people who will show me the same consideration.

When I meet someone new, I have no idea if we’ll share chemistry or compatibility. I don’t know what will happen between us, but I trust in my own wisdom to enter the process of finding out with an open heart and an observant mind.

Do I find myself on dates with less than desirable people? Of course, there is no shortage of emotionally destructive people in the dating world. The advantage I have is that I am flattered by, but equally recognize the love bombing phase of toxic relationships. I make sure that I stay grounded and maintain healthy boundaries.

And those awkward dates? They’re great, too! As a storyteller, I love the material.

As far as dating goes, I’m excited to see how the universe continues to unfold. No craving, no aversion — I’m going with the flow and enjoying the ride. With an informed and receptive spirit, I am enjoying this adventure.