Dating : How the Stars Aligned

“Come in, Mr. Brooks, and have a seat. Thanks for coming in. We have interviewed many candidates for the position, but none have been the right fit. As you can imagine, this is a fiercely competitive industry, and we are at the top of our game. Did you bring your resume?”

“Of course, Mr. Thatcher.”

I slid across a leather resume binder containing five copies of my professionally written Curriculum Vitae on Southworth parchment paper.

Knowing it would take a few minutes for him to look over my background, including an MBA from Stanford and a summer internship with BBDO,

I sat back and quickly reviewed my answers to the questions I assumed would be forthcoming.

“What are your strengths and weaknesses?”

“What unique qualities do you possess that will enhance our company?

“Where do you see yourself in five years?”

Robert Thatcher barely glanced at the first page, flipping to the second and scanning down to the brief bio at the bottom before closing the notebook and passing it back to me.

Oh, my God, what could that mean? He already said the position is still available. What could possibly be wrong that I was being dismissed so quickly?

“August 23rd. So, you’re a Virgo.”

“Um, what? Yes, I guess so.”

“Well, your self-reliance would certainly be an asset, but your reticence could be good or bad.”

“My reticence? Did you see I had an MBA from…”

“Be that as it may, I know you have a can-do attitude, like to keep well-informed, and are always interested in the best methods to get things done. Just the kind of person we need around here.”

“Have you talked to my contact at BBDO?”

“Don’t need to. I already know you are flexible and deal with unknown situations very well.”

“I’m not sure that’s the most important thing on…”

“Of course not! Do you think I’m a fool?”

“No sir, I uh,”

“The most important thing is you are compatible with Taurus, that’s me, as well as Cancer and Scorpio, which make up most of your team. I think you are going to be perfect for this position. And of course, your salary would be $66,666.66. Must stay aligned with your life path number, you know.”

Part of me wondered what sort of nuthouse I had wandered into. The other part wanted to know what a “life path number” was and which one it would take to get me into six figures.

“Mr. Thatcher, that salary is a bit lower than I was hoping for.”

“Don’t get cocky, son. You don’t have the job yet. First, I need you to talk to Wilma from HR. She’s in charge of our Diversity Initiative,” he said, reaching for the phone.

Well, now I’m really screwed. A young, white, male heterosexual wasn’t going to check any of the boxes. This was turning out to be a monumental waste of time.

The door opened, and an African-American woman of indeterminate age walked in. The look she gave me told me everything I needed to know. I stood and shook her hand but also picked up my notebook. I didn’t expect to be in this interview much longer.

Wilma, this Darryl Brooks. He’s applying for the VP of Marketing position.

Her touch was cool, her look cold, and the handshake was brief.

“He’s a Virgo!” Thatcher almost screamed.

With that, her face lit up like she had just won the lottery.

“A Virgo? I can’t believe it. We had to let three Virgos go in that last downsizing, and I didn’t think we would ever reach astrological parity again. This is fantastic! Let’s bring him on board ASAP!”

Astounded that I was being offered the position, I turned back to Mr. Thatcher.

“That sounds great, but about that salary.”

“Robert, haven’t you told Mr. Brooks about the six weeks vacation, the $6,000 signing bonus, and the six percent raise every six months?”

“I was just getting to that, Wilma. Are you interested, Darryl? We want to start you right away.”