Dating : How to deal with the need for external validation?

Even as I am writing this article, I cannot help but think how well this will resonate with the readers, how they are going to react. I know that I might be taking time and effort to carve this but the readers will have the greater say . I know that I will not judge an article on how I feel but the opinions of people whom I don’t even know.

And why is that?

It is because of my burning need for external validation.

For the longest time that I can remember, I have always wanted external validation rather needed it. I am comfortable with myself but still crave the little appreciation and attention just like most of us usually do. The need for external validation boils down to the fact that I am a little insecure about myself but trust me, I am well aware of it.

My need for external validation from others , people around me who couldn’t care any less had made my life toxic. The more validation I craved , the more I got rejected. The cycle repeated and the life I was living had become a pain in itself.

The highly competitive society wher e I was striving to thrive and leave a mark was getting its viciousness to me . I fell into an unhealthy habit of obsessing over my achievements. From academia to extra curriculars, I wanted to be the one and when sometimes that didn’t work out , I found myself getting depressed and violent.

I felt that the appraisals and applauses made up for the things in life I never had and never could. It would be lying blatantly if I told you that your achievements don’t make you feel validated. It empowers you and you feel satisfied and content over the fact that you have accomplished something. But achievements and seeking validation from people is different.

When you seek the validation of majority of people, you end up losing your individuality because you lose the originality of thought. Seeking validation means in a way thinking like the majority of people because it entails doing what the majority want you to do or to act as.

People like the company of their kind and people will be more prone to befriend and praise you if you behave like they want you to. External validation feels great but is it worth losing your individuality over?

People remember you one day and forget you the next . As much as we want to remain alive in memories, we will always be replaced nevertheless our works will live on.

For a major part of my life, I have seen achievements and external validations as ways of compensating for the losses , the failures and the things I could not accomplish. But that is not a healthy mindset and I am trying to change that.

Self love and self validation is the key to reduce your need of external validation.

Once you start validating yourself, you stop needing other people to validate you. Getting comfortable in one’s own skin is hard but very much possible. For a major part of my life, I have drifted somewhere along the intersection between being an extrovert and an introvert. That is simply because I was too shy and embarrassed to admit openly that I was a borderline extroverted introvert .

Loving ourselves can be a hard and slow process but is worth it. The fact that we are so hard on ourselves , constantly picking out our flaws and faults leads to this alienation to the concept of loving ourselves even though we think we are doing it.

Spread love and nurture yourself with love and laughter because love and laughter is something that heals all. And learn to love yourself as a person . Grow comfortable and you will notice that everything will fall into place but all you need is that teeny weeny thing called love.

Once you start loving yourself , the world will start to love you too and if it doesn’t , don’t pay attention to what it says. So many voices and opinions, how many are you going to listen to? You are what matters.

Love yourself and live your life.