Dating : How to find love in a pandemic

By Bryce The Third

So like a lot of single people in America and around the world, before COVID-19 took a stranglehold on society as we know it, I was casually dating.

What this meant for me was that I had my proverbial ‘antenna’ up for someone to spend time and share my energy with.

Nothing stupid serious or desperate…just when I was out and about or at social events I would be looking through the lens of possibly running into someone that ‘fit the description’ and if it seemed appropriate I’d shoot my shot.

I also made a couple of dating app profiles of which I subsequently hated being on and deleted the fuck out of…except for maybe like one which I still keep up and continue to have interesting conversation on.

Needless to say though, looking for cool, kindhearted people to spend time with was an element recently added to my everyday life and I appreciated the flavor that it added to the gumbo.

Enter Coronavirus.

Social distancing Is the new norm and social events seem to be a thing of the past so much so that health officials are suggesting no live concerts in America until Fall 2021. Most of my days are spent in the crib either with 2 little human beings either a quarter or half my age or by myself.

How am I supposed to meet new people now?

Where will I discover new energies to share my own with?

How will I show or find love?

Now when I go to the park or outdoors and I see someone approaching I give them 6 feet of distance out of love. In the moments I cross paths with fellow shoppers at the grocery store I still flash smiles while passing by and saying “excuse me” but nobody can see a smile covered by a face mask. Really if I’m close enough to say “excuse me” I’m probably too close.

I’m the type of person that If I see someone struggling with their bags I’ll run to help but now I’m aware that the best thing I can do for everybody is to keep my distance.

Only a month into quarantine and I’m noticing quite a bit of flavor missing from that aforementioned gumbo.

To me, this all the more raises the question:

What do we do for affection now that to care for each other means to be apart from each other? How do you find love in the midst of a cultural shift that is shaping the face of “showing love” into what, to me personally, looks a lot like isolation?

Well unfortunately I don’t have the answer to that.

But I can share what I’m trying.

“…the love that we’re looking for may be right here, locked down in the crib with us and this may be the perfect time to give it to ourselves.”

As someone who’s in recovery from drugs and alcohol (8 years coming up in July…yay! 😄), I have a pretty extensive personal experience on the subject of being DEPENDENT upon something. This was also a modifier in my dating experience pre-Covid because I had to keep close tabs on WHY I was dating. I wanted to be sure that I stayed on the side of the room that was labeled “being open to meeting someone new” and not lean too far into the “I’m searching for someone to be with because I fucking hate being alone and if I’m by myself I’m a complete loser” section.

So now with staying to ourselves being the new courtesy I’m forced to look around and turn my desire for love INWARD…and this may be for the best.

When it comes to attracting anything from friends to love to money to opportunity, I’ve learned through experience that to find a good one I have to BE a good one. In other words it helps tremendously to be someone who is capable of showing love if I ever hope to receive it. Have you ever heard the phrase “Learn to BE who you want to be with”?

“Being able to TRULY fuck with myself has been the closest to understanding ‘Love’ that I’ve gotten.”

There is a quote from one of my favorite books of all time “Think and grow rich” by Napoleon Hill that can apply here and push this point home:

“There is a difference between WISHING for a thing and being READY to receive it.” -Napoleon Hill

That being said and with a MAD amount of time on my hands I’ve taken to self reflection.

I’ve been writing and getting to know myself a bit more.

I regularly seem to get to a point where I THINK I really know myself and start to cruise on autopilot a bit, but when I get a bit more intentional in my investigation I usually find a few things that need to be addressed.

I’ve been reading a bit more, mainly about ‘love’ because I’m genuinely interested in what it is. Love is one of those things that I thought I knew in it’s entirety but through time and experience I’ve found that I haven’t even scratched the surface of how expansive of a concept it can be which is very intriguing to me ….which is a topic worthy of a whole ‘nother blog post.

I’ve been getting better at playing the piano and reading music using the SimplyPiano app, going on walks alone and with my kids, working towards financial consciousness, hitting virtual 12 step meetings and working out daily just to name a few things.

I’ve also been doing a LOT of jack shit. Nothing. Nada. While trying my damnedest to be ok with it and to give myself an energy of care and understanding as I personally piece together what the “new normal” of things are. New facts of life like not being able to PHYSICALLY see my Mom or my Papa and Gma for the past month and a half have been really hard to digest.

Basically though, what I’m insinuating is that the love that we’re looking for may be right here, locked down in the crib with us and this may be the perfect time to give it to ourselves.

My overall personal goal is to get to the other side of this covid-19 pandemic better for it and more connected with myself. I’ve found it hugely important and necessary to curate my experience and NOT to feed into the overall fear and anxiety presently surrounding humanity.

I figure if I continue to become the quality of person that I’m looking for, (healthy, smart, peaceful, talented, curious and self aware just to name a few qualities) then no matter what the state of the world is in I’ll be a magnet for that comparable energy. Most importantly though, I’ll fuck with myself. Being able to TRULY fuck with myself has been the closest to understanding ‘Love’ that I’ve gotten. I’m currently further cultivating this understanding.

So in summary, to answer the question: “How do I find love in the midst of a global pandemic??”

I’d suggest looking no further than the closest mirror.

I hope this reaches you in good health and I can’t wait to see you all in person once again.