Dating : How to get over a heartbreak?

Fortunately, there are several things we can do, even when the difficult time is already happening. Some of these things can accommodate some people and not others. That is, they don’t work the same for everyone; It is about testing them and finding comfort according to our own processes.

Both in the case of a get over a heartbreak and in any grieving process, it is very important to have a support network, that is, people who accompany and listen to our difficult moments and help us compensate for the feeling of loss or loneliness. They can be family or friends and usually, these are people who have also accompanied the process of falling in love, although not necessarily.

It usually happens that when we engage in romantic love we take distance with our support networks, which is sometimes difficult to return to look for once the relationship is over. It is complicated because it involves, among other things, assuming our vulnerability and also accepting if we have made a mistake. However, returning to family and friends can be an important step to go through the grieving process more easily.

It is also common that when we are in a relationship we accumulate objects, gifts, photos, memories, among a series of material elements that symbolize the relationship and the emotional bond. While these are objects that mean important things to us, they are also things that can lengthen the process of denial and anger, and therefore complicate us to reach the process of acceptance.

It is important then to take some time away with those objects. This distance can translate into getting rid of them, but it can also result in changing places or keeping them for a moment. Keep in mind that getting rid of them will cause unpleasant sensations, so it may be better to do this little by little. That is, get rid of one thing at a time, or start by moving them, then save them and finally throw them away; or not, depending on how we feel in our process.

Related to the above, it is common that being in a relationship we create new hobbies, new tastes, and even new interests. Getting rid of all that is difficult because it involves activities that we internalize and that we put into practice on a daily basis. The detachment then implies making strong changes, that definitely can’t happen overnight. It is important not to stop being active and looking for new things to do, even when the couple’s cycle is over.

We don’t necessarily have to create new habits. It also works to recover the habits we had before being in the relationship. Whether it works or not depends largely on how long the relationship has lasted, and how much we have changed over the course of it.

However, it can be a good exercise to think in retrospect and try to remember the activities we enjoy before starting the relationship, as well as trying to get closer to those activities. That is, explore a little and see what we can enjoy again and whatnot.

While we are in the process of denial and in the transition to acceptance it is common that we try to do whatever it takes to “recover” the relationship. This usually happens especially if we have not made the decision. Thus, we often insist on making it possible for the other person to “fall in love again”, or in other words, we easily fall into the logic of “fighting for love.”

Here it is important not to confuse “recovering” or “falling in love” with “harassing”. And neither confuse “love” with “possession”, “pressure” or “obligation.” Although the process hurts can be very difficult to accept, it is important to respect the closures and decisions that have been made.

It must be assumed that relationships and emotional ties carry the risk of feeling unwell. We cannot blame others for this discomfort, it is common that while we are in the process of accepting the end of the cycle we seek responsibility in the other person, both of having finished and of making ourselves suffer or of alleviating that suffering. In order to reach acceptance, we must take responsibility for our own discomfort and try to find alternatives and tools beyond the person with whom we have shared a relationship.

Something more specific that may work for some people to close their process is to say goodbye by writing a text to whom they had to leave. Since it is often difficult to say what we feel, but not because it is difficult to stop feeling it, a possible measure to detach ourselves is to write it. This may be in the form of a farewell letter, which may or may not is delivered to the other person, or it may simply be a text that allows us to express emotions that we sometimes do not recognize if we only think about them or if we only try to speak them.

It is important to remember that processing a loss or end of the cycle takes time. For the same reason, it is not necessary to press ourselves to overcome these changes from one day to another. Some people can take a day and others can take many more.

Many times that process is lengthened and becomes more stormy when we have the idea that we have already spent several days and continue in the same situation. This does not mean that we do not take responsibility for ourselves, but it does mean that when we have lived such a significant experience, it is normal for us to take a significant time to learn to see that experience in a different way.