Dating : How to Handle Your First Time with Jealousy

Strange things happen when you take a step back from your love life.

As a millennial in a world full of dating and meeting new people regularly, I never thought I’d be the jealous type.

It took an army deployment and being away from home to finally break my streak of always being satisfied in life.

There’s a girl I’ve been in contact with for nearly three years now, and we’ve hung out a few times every year. We’ve never been in a relationship. We do our own thing. But deep down, we each hold a special place in one another’s hearts.

Overseas, I am focused on the missions and tasks that are asked of me. I don’t go out to meet girls and hook up. That was never the intention. I wanted to spend a year away from home as a retreat that would teach me a lot about myself and life itself.

Since I lack the power to commit myself to this individual who I care a lot about back at home, I face the risk that someone else becomes her significant other.

I hear things are heating up between the two of them, and I’m over here feeling lonely.

I’m someone who gets into a lot of “flings” and has no real commitment for the long-term. It’s a double-edged sword.

The convenience of never feeling tied down is nice and all, but always looking for the next best date seems to be an ongoing process.

Yet, I am a hopeless romantic who loves to find genuine connections that at the moment are able to capture my interest. At the same time, I accept the need to gradually let it fall apart if either of us is not down for the long-term.

Being on deployment, the feeling of loneliness, and not having a deep romance is one of the key challenges I’ve faced. This solitude has heightened my feelings for this girl.

The hopeless romantic who was simply a part of me is beginning to define me.

Will I come home to this special someone, or will I come back to nobody?

I love my family to death, and I can’t wait to see them. No matter what, I am coming home to somebody.

The question left is will I be coming back to her?

It’s hard to accept that she’s found someone else who she’s hitting it off with. Don’t get me wrong, I wish her the best and to be happy. However, I can’t escape the feeling of regret. I can’t escape the fear of letting her go.

I’m disappointed in myself.

I typically do not let romance get in the way of having a positive mindset, but in this case, I am. Perhaps I have deep emotions for this person. There’s a chance I can’t imagine her being with anyone else besides myself.

We’re not all going to remain single forever. At some point, a special someone is going to come along and scoop us off our feet.

I suppose I just assumed we’d end up together after all.

At some point, I have to move on.

I have so much to be appreciative of and so many incredible people in my life that I can’t let this one romantic fantasy ruin it all.

Still, I feel like the jealousy is draining me.

I am proud of myself for being self-aware of my envy, but it’s hard to let go. The best-case scenario I can do for her and myself is to stop imagining a future together.

There are seven billion people in the world (maybe 8 billion now), and that means there’s so much opportunity out in the world to find someone who I thrive with just as well, even better.

To any of my fellow love birds out there reading this, I say to you, there is hope. One person isn’t going to define the way you live the rest of your life. You are beautiful, and you are worthy of someone who’s going to make you happy.

We’re all in this together. Jealousy just isn’t worth it. It’s time to move forward. You are worth it.