Dating : How to Have a Threesome

Having a threesome is a fun way to keep the excitement in your relationship. But before you invite a third person into the bedroom, you need to understand the implications of having a threesome. For starters, having an extra person in bed can feel weird. It can also potentially hurt your relationship with your partner if done carelessly.

Today, I’m going to help you understand the rules of engagement in a threesome.

Here are 10 rules you need to follow to have the best threesome experience ever.

1. Think about your whys

People in casual relationships have no problem having a threesome. Some polyamorous couples also have threesomes from time to time. But for people in monogamous relationships, it’s a little trickier. I’m not saying you shouldn’t give it a try. But you should give it more thought and consideration before diving in.

Think carefully about why you want to have a threesome. If you’re bored in the bedroom or you’re doing it to impress your partner, you may want to rethink your decision. Bringing a third person in is not a quick fix for unresolved intimacy issues.

In fact, it may even inhibit you from putting creativity and energy into your sex life. As a result, you’ll no longer make an effort to figure out new techniques and explore new fantasies. A threesome may be exciting initially, but it doesn’t solve the longer-term issues of becoming a better lover.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a threesome when you’re in a committed relationship. But you and your partner should really talk it through. Only share your bedroom with another person when you’re ready

2. Find your third

Avoid choosing someone you know. Inviting a person one or both of you know or have some emotional bond with into your bedroom can become a huge mistake. For starters, it can make things weird after. Also, the risk of someone developing feelings or getting hurt becomes higher. But if everyone’s cool with it, why not? If you’re all sure you can handle the possible consequences, go ahead and invite a friend to be your third.

Another way you can find your third is by checking out the local scene. Go to local sex parties or the bar. You can also use apps, such as Feeld, Tinder, and Thrinder. Once you and your partner have selected your perfect third, meet with them first on an IRL date. Use this time to test the chemistry among the three of you.

3. Set boundaries

One of the biggest mistakes many couples make is jumping right into a threesome without discussing consent and boundaries. Just because you said yes to a threesome doesn’t mean you’re okay with everything. The three of you need to be open and honest about your needs, wants, and limits. This will make the experience more fulfilling and a lot safer.

Spell out the things you’re okay with and the things you’re not. For example, are you okay with anal play? How about oral sex? Is penetration okay the first time you all come together? Is kissing allowed? These are just some examples of boundaries you might need to make. Listen to and respect your “guest’s” wishes as well.

Also, have a safe word that any one of you can use to stop the threesome right away — no questions asked. Discuss with everyone that this is a serious matter that none of you can simply shrug off.

4. Use protection

This one’s a no-brainer. But you’ll be surprised at how many people still forget to use protection in the heat of the moment. This is an important matter when inviting another person who’s likely sleeping with other people into your bed. You should discuss safe sex rules before going any further. Condoms and dental dams help ensure that your souvenirs from the experience are hot memories, not STIs or an unwanted pregnancy.

Condoms aren’t just for penises either. STIs can be transmitted via sex toys, so use them on your toys too. And before I forget, double-dipping is a big no-no for guys with two lady partners. Even if you’re wearing a condom, you’re only protecting yourself. You’re putting the ladies at risk if you don’t use a new condom each time you turn to a different partner.

One last thing, when you’re the host of the “party,” it’s your responsibility to provide condoms and other items you might need. This includes sex toys, lubes, and anything else that helps enhance the experience.

5. Control your jealousy

Having a threesome with your partner will teach a lot of things. But it will also test the extent of your jealousy. Remembering that this is an experience to improve your relationship can help keep the green monster at bay. Entering a threesome with a partner you have a solid relationship with is another way to stave off jealousy.

But if it becomes too much, you can always call it off. Politely tell the others that you’re not feeling it. We all have this notion of what threesomes look like thanks to sexy movie scenes. But let me tell you now. It’s not going to look like Hollywood or porn.

You know how things don’t always go as planned when having sex? The same is true during threesomes. When things start to get heated, someone almost always ends up being the center of attention. This might cause some hurt feelings.

Communicating with your partner before the threesome can help. But understanding that things won’t always go according to plan, no matter how you prepare, will set expectations between the two of you. After all, it’s a risk both of you are agreeing to take in exchange for the desired reward.

6. Stay sober

Having your first threesome can be nerve-racking. But, whatever you do, avoid overindulging in alcohol before jumping into bed. For starters, too much alcohol can cause vaginal dryness and make it harder for men to ejaculate.

Plus, it lowers your inhibitions, which can lead to breaking your pre-set boundaries. You may even forget to use protection. If you really want to drink to help calm your nerves, a couple of drinks will do.

7. Communicate with each other

It’s not uncommon for new emotions to bubble up after a threesome. Even if you’re aware of the risk of jealousy, things can change when you’re actually doing it. Talking to your partner about how you felt after the act is over can help manage these emotions. Plus, open communication is an excellent way to find new ways to please each other.

And while you’re at it, you should also check in with your third. Make sure that they’re still okay and have no awkwardness or hurt feelings between all of you. This is especially important if they’re a friend.

8. Have a quick trip together in public after

Going out in public after having sex helps balance the mood. Get a slice of pizza. Grab a cup of coffee. Taking everyone back into the real world shows that you can still chat and be friends — and that nothing will change. This also clearly shows your third that they’re not just your plaything.

9. Be prepared for changes

Having a threesome can potentially change the dynamics of your relationship. Now, before you panic, that isn’t always a bad thing. If you’ve talked things through and found a third you’re both comfortable with, you can have the best threesome ever. This can also lead to more wild sex even after kissing your third goodbye.

10. Go with the flow and enjoy

Now that you’ve found your perfect third, it’s time to go with the flow and surrender yourself to the experience. But like I said before, there’s no guarantee that things will go smoothly.

It could be the best sex you’ve had in your life or it could be a total disaster. But, the thing is, you won’t know until you’ve tried. Just accept that, no matter how it turns out, this experience is part of your life journey. So enjoy every minute of it.

Threesomes can be exciting, but it’s not for the faint of heart. If you don’t think your relationship is strong enough to handle all the possible complications, maybe it’s best to delay your plans. Work on your relationship problems first before welcoming a guest into your bed. But if you’re sure that your relationship can weather through it all, go ahead and give it a try. You can even include it as part of your regular sex life.