Dating : How To Make A Man Chase You: 10 Secrets To Reinforce His Attraction and Train Him to Chase You

“We feel good about ourselves to the exact degree we feel in control of our lives.” – Brian Tracey

1. Never be too accessible.

Before a serious relationship develops, do not allow yourself to be too available to a man as men quickly tire of that which is easily obtained.

You’ve probably heard this all before over and over in every woman’s magazine or dating advice blog, but just because it’s always mentioned doesn’t mean you should take it for granted. As a guy, I can honestly say that one of the most common reasons men lose interest in women is because the women in question do not present enough of a challenge. Giving a man total access to your time and attention, especially early on in a budding romance, is the kiss of death. Men, even good guys, soon get bored of that which is both easy to obtain and easy to access.

Now I know some women reading this are going to roll their eyes, but here’s the thing: Being a challenge will not only increase your chances of maintaining his interest, but it will also separate the lazy men from the ambitious ones. Men’s brains are actually wired to solve problems as well as to search for and avoid danger. A challenging, desirable woman presents a man with a healthy problem that’s worth solving. And losing the attention of such a woman also creates a level of threat in his mind, the kind of threat that will force him to find creative ways in which to avoid it.

This is also the reason why a man who may seem disinterested in you suddenly becomes proactive about securing your exclusive affections the moment he realizes other men are after you. These other men not only pose a potential threat, but they also increase your value as a sought-after mate. Now to clarify, when I say that men want a challenge, I’m not referring to the art of playing hard-to-get. Instead, you should actually be hard-to-get. And what this means is you should have an exciting, attractive life of your own. The kind of life that a man doesn’t feel like he has to “save” you from, but the kind of life that makes him feel as if a relationship with you will add value to his own life. It’s not a contradiction when you hear men say they want a challenge but that they don’t want a woman who plays games. What men really mean when they say this is that they want a woman who has high standards, who presents herself as a worthy companion, and who also has zero tolerance for guys who play games. Great guys want to feel as if being with a woman is both an honor and an adventure.

Men rarely admit this, but they want to want your attention. In other words, men want to desire a woman just as much (or even more) than a woman wants to be desired by a desirable man. But if access to you is super easy and your attention is super cheap, guys are going to get bored with you very quickly. Also consider that being a challenge means that men want to meet you happy in your singlehood. Great guys want to meet you already content with your single status. Notice I didn’t say “complacent” but “content.” Being content in your singlehood means you’re satisfied, fulfilled, and enjoying what you already have.

This is ridiculously attractive to men because it doesn’t scream that a woman is needy or desperate. It communicates confidence and high-value. On the other hand, being complacent in your singlehood means you’ve settled, given up, and simply not interested in a romantic relationship. So what does this mean in a nutshell? It means that you shouldn’t be so eager to give up your family, friends, hobbies, dreams, and aspirations the minute a new guy expresses an interest in you. Why? Chances are, many of these things are what helped to attract him to you in the first place.

2. Keep In Touch With Caution.

Do not dominate the initiations of contact if you want to keep his interests in you both elevated and unmistakable.

As a relationship between you and Mr. Perfect begins to develop, it will be to your best advantage not to always be the one who initiates contact between the two of you. If you find yourself in a position where you’re predominantly the first one to text, call, and make plans, you’re playing the ugly game of Chase-a-Man. Again, I know some women will read this and roll their eyes while thinking, “Why can’t I just text or call him when I want to?” or “Why can’t I just keep in touch with someone I’m interested in without it being an issue?” Well, it’s because we men are very unique creatures when it comes to our egos and our sense of entitlement. We only value the things that we’ve worked for. Therefore, if you always lead the interactions, you’re only making him lazy.

Dominating the initiation of contact has the potential to train a guy to become indifferent to you. If you’re always the one to first show an interest in seeing him or even keeping in touch with him, you’re robbing him of the “space” he needs to miss you and therefore pursue you. An even bigger issue a woman faces when she becomes “The Initiator” is that she puts herself in a position that threatens her peace of mind. How will you know if a man really cares about you or not if you’re always the one to text, call, or visit him? How will you know if he really wants to be with you or if he just wants something from you if you’re constantly blowing up his smartphone with cute (but desperate) cries for attention? The short answer: you won’t know, and for most women, it ends up driving them crazy when their sincere displays of interest go unnoticed, unrewarded, and unreciprocated.

3. Make Him Call You Not Text You.

You can tell a lot about a man’s level of interest in you based on whether or not this method of communicating with you deepens over time. I have nothing against using smartphones to communicate with a guy through text messaging, but I wouldn’t be doing you a favor if I didn’t tell you the truth. If you want guys

to take you seriously, you must get them to pick up the phone and call you.

Text messaging is a player’s best weapon. With this technology he can communicate casually and effortlessly with a multitude of women, using his texts to test the interests levels of each one until he can select the best two or three girls who appear to be the least demanding of his time AND the most attracted to him. A man who has mastered the devious art of maintaining this sort of harem-like situation will do whatever he possibly can to avoid having conversations on the phone with you. What this means is that you can screen against such men by making it clear that if a man wants to see you, he’s going to have to do it your way – call you with concrete plans. Using text messages predominantly is okay in the early (very early) stages after you’ve met or started dating a guy. But once things get rolling, he should be making an effort to get on the phone with you to get to know you better, to keep in touch, and to make arrangements to see you. Once the ball gets rolling, texting should be used sporadically as opposed to being the primary source of communicating.

Think of communicating with the man you’re dating as you would a healthy diet. Having captivating conversations while out on dates, keeping in touch through the phone, and sending an “I love you!” through email would be the breakfast, lunch, and dinners of relationship communication. But text messages should be the sweet and salty snacks, the little communicative delights that keep you going in between the bigger meals. If you want a guy to take you seriously, train him to communicate with you like an adult. Simply assert your needs by gracefully informing him that you’d prefer it if he called you to make plans. You don’t have to be an aggressive nag to do this. In fact, you can be firm AND flirty in the way you present your needs to him.

For example, you can tease him through text, telling him that what you’d really like is to hear his voice more often (or even tease him saying that you know he really wants to hear yours). Start off with subtle, flirtatious hints that he should call you, and if those don’t work, be direct…but keep it classy. If you’ve made yourself clear and Mr. Keeps-Things-Casual continues his texting spree – take your business elsewhere. A man who refuses to call you will certainly not take the steps necessary to commit to you in any way, shape, or form. Don’t waste your precious time on a guy who won’t escalate something as simple as his method of communication.

4. Avoid Flaky Behavior

Be a woman of your word and practice being reliable. Reliability is a very attractive quality in a woman. It shows refinement of character when a woman is not prone to and is less tolerant towards flakiness. High-quality men are less likely to court a woman who constantly fails to follow through on her word. Flaky behavior will send serious male suitors running in the opposite direction. This goes double for men who have a high level of respect for both themselves and others. Why? Because flaky behavior communicates that you’re unreliable and simply cannot be counted on in any capacity. And if you didn’t know by now, high-quality men want to be with a woman they can rely on without question. Trust is one of the most important qualities of a strong and healthy relationship. It is difficult to obtain and extremely easy to lose. High-quality men want to cultivate strong, healthy relationships with women they can trust; women who follow through on the commitments they’ve made.

Honesty, or personal integrity is one of those qualities that quality men find irresistible in a woman. Therefore, it’s extremely unattractive when a woman rarely follows through on the things she said she would, as it shows a lack of integrity. But how do you know if this is something guys notice and that you need to work on? Simple. If you consistently promise people that you’re going to call, be someplace, do something, not do something, etc., and you never/rarely follow through…you’re a flake. To be fair, I’m not talking about making mistakes or even having bad habits that you struggle with. It’s one thing if you’re honest enough with a guy to let him know that you have a tardiness problem. But it’s another thing entirely when you make promises that you are simply incapable of keeping. I’m sure you know by now how frustrating it is when a guy tells you he’s going to do something but he doesn’t do it. Or you probably know the anxiety it causes you to have a boyfriend who only follows through on his commitments if he feels like it. Can you imagine that? A grown man who doesn’t do what he say she would do simply because he didn’t feel like it at the moment. How attractive is that to a woman? Not at all I’d bet.

In the same way being in a relationship with a “might do it”, “might show up”, “might follow through” kind of guy can be a rollercoaster of insanity, dating the female counterpart to this kind of person is equally frustrating and anxiety inducing.

5. Never Talk Bad About Your Exes

Do not speak negatively about your past relationships. Habitually bad mouthing your exes in front of men who barely know you won’t earn you their pity, it will only earn you their repulsion. High-quality men pay enormous attention to the way a woman treats other men, or, in the case of exes, how she discusses her past experiences with other men.

Even if you’re not trashing your exes, it’s still wise to be extra cautious as to what you say regarding your past relationships. If a guy barely knows you he doesn’t have enough invested in you to “take your side” as you explain to him all the ways the guys you used to date have wronged you. And because he doesn’t know you well enough to quickly empathize with you, he’s going to make snap judgments about you based on everything you tell him. The thing is, if you’re just getting to know a guy and you reveal too much information about your unlucky dating past, he’s going to wonder what is it about you exactly that attracts players, losers, time wasters, and one-night-stands. He’s also going to wonder if you have a problem accurately judging the men you come across, or worse, assuming he believes that you attract what you deserve, he may conclude that you possess some character defect that draws defective men in to your life.

No man wants to think that:

1. He might be defective since all you seem to attract are defective men, or…

2. He’s attracted a woman with more baggage than he can bear. Another thing to consider is how a guy may view your own level of self-awareness and responsibility. If you declare that most, if not all of your exes were jerks and miscreants that mistreated you, it shows that you’re more interested in receiving pity than taking responsibility. We all know those people who continuously get the bad breaks in life but never take responsibility for it. It’s never “their fault”, and they’re always the victims in every single scenario.

Men with even an iota of sagacity will avoid getting into a relationship with a woman who insists that she’s always the victim when it comes to her dating history. I think the classic saying is perfect advice for discussing your exes on dates with men you’re getting to know: “If you don’t have anything nice to say…don’t say anything at all.”

6. Disregard Him If He Shows Little to No Interest In You.

It is better to disregard a man who displays a wavering interest than to lose both your dignity and sanity fighting for his attention.

Do not fight, protest, struggle, complain, or nag a man whose desire and interest in you is obviously waning. It not only makes you appear less dignified to him (and others who learn about it) but it will affect your self-esteem as well. Keep your dignity and do that which is the most difficult for most women: cease to entertain him.

7. Cease Your Attention and Attraction

Stop entertaining his half-hearted communication attempts (you know what they look like). Turn your attention towards other more insistent suitors. Seek the company of your friends and prioritize your own personal development. If he has any kind of real desire for you, he will pull out all the stops to get you back. If he does nothing, the only thing you’ll have lost is a man who wasn’t right for you as opposed to losing your dignity as well.

Before a man has judged you as ‘a worthy pursuit’ in his mind, it is wise to show restraint in displaying your infatuation.

It is usually better to display your infatuations to a man only after you have secured a place of importance in his mind. This is one of the greatest challenges a woman will face during the early stages of a new romance. If you fail to reign in your overzealous emotions toward a newly interested man, he may no longer see you as a challenge worthy of his full attention.

Listen, I get it. Romance and infatuation are wonderful things to experience during the courtship process (and even afterwards). However, let me keep it as real for you as possible: If a man becomes fully aware that he harbors a greater place of importance in your mind than you do in his, your prestige will lessen even more in his mind.

This applies more to the early stages of a courtship when you’re not really sure where you stand with a guy. It can be fun, dreamy, and even almost intoxicating to be caught up in the emotions of a new romance, but an important key to success in the seduction process (for women) is to reach a mutual level of interest before acting head over heels with a guy. You’ll know when you’ve reached a mutual level of interest based on a man’s level of enthusiasm when he’s with you, his eagerness to be with you, and how much initiative he makes to contact you (that last one is vitally important). You can gauge your level of importance to a man based on how proactive he is about securing your infatuation. In other words, if a man is making sincere and consistent attempts to make you want him, there’s a high chance you’ve taken up a place of importance in his mind.

In the early stages of a courtship, a man (especially one with a bit more experience with women) will try to gauge your level of interest in him while he evaluates your potential importance all at the same time. Showing your infatuation too early reveals your high level of interest in him before he has had the opportunity to decipher your significance to him. Remember, men want that which is a challenge to attain. If you hastily make him the center of your universe…what challenge is there?

8. Be Easy-to-please but Not Too Much

For your own peace of mind (and his), it’s important to be flexible and don’t sweat the minor details when it comes to dating. Be adaptable to the chaotic circumstances that come with a new romance and courtship. Relationship-minded men know that an adaptable woman makes for a better long-term partner than a stubborn one. It’s okay to have high standards when it comes to dating men. I’d even go as far to say that you should be the kind of woman who does not suffer fools. Being a stickler for high quality behavior from men will help you to weed out the losers and time wasters. But in your firm resolve to date with dignity you have to know when to be flexible. Situations will sometimes arise where you have the opportunity to show a man your easygoingness by going with the flow. You don’t want to be the kind of woman who’s unwilling to adapt to a change in circumstances. Welcome the beautiful chaos that comes with dating and relationships especially, and learn how to embrace the fluctuating situations of a budding romance.

Great guys want to be with women who know how to compromise with the minor things. Now, I’m not talking about compromising your values or anything that could jeopardize your dignity. I’m talking about those things that if you were even just a bit more flexible with, guys might find you far more pleasant to be around and easy to please. (By the way, this is one of the keys to winning with men: Be hard-to-have but easy-to-please.)Even if you’re really assertive and enjoy getting your way all the time, remember that the kind of men you want to end up with won’t find this kind of attitude attractive. The only kinds of men who would tolerate a lack of flexibility in a woman are the passive, pushover types of men – men who probably won’t light your fires if you catch my drift. If this is something you struggle with, learn to keep an open mind and show willingness to compromise with the guys who show a serious, long-term interest in you. Sometimes he’ll be late for a date and has to change plans. Deal with it. Sometimes he’ll forget to call because he got home late from work and crashed on his couch. Deal with it. Sometimes he’ll want to spend time with you doing things you might not enjoy (camping, hiking, volunteering, etc.). Deal with it. Don’t become disgruntled or frantic every time things don’t go your way or when you cannot get your way. Show some flexibility and learn to roll with the punches instead.

9. Try Showing Your Vulnerable Sides

If a man has proven his sincere interest in you, be willing to be vulnerable with him as the relationship progresses. A vulnerable feminine spirit has the capacity to melt the heart of a man. Therefore, it is impossible for a man to develop a deep emotional connection to a woman if she refuses to bare her soul (when the time is right).One of the greatest tools for developing intimacy in your emotional toolbox is your very own vulnerability. Being vulnerable takes courage, as there’s always a chance that you’ll be rejected, spurned, mistreated, or simply misunderstood. The reality is that without an intimate, emotional connection, most guys are eventually going to lose interest in you, no matter how beautiful or gorgeous you are. And to get this deeply emotional and intimate connection you have to be willing to be more vulnerable with the men who prove themselves both trustworthy and worth your attention.

Men do not want to date flawless women, or women who have a habit of masking their insecurities and ugly-sides with insincere behaviors. We want women who laugh at their failures, cry at their mistakes, ask for forgiveness when they’re wrong (you’d be surprised how little of this men actually see), and who can share their souls and their secrets without shame or regret. The masculine heart is helplessly attracted to the feminine spirit; therefore if a man can stand firm as your emotions wash over him, he’s worth your time. Not only does being vulnerable with a man make him feel more connected to you, but it also gives him the opportunity to be a pillar of strength for you.

In James Bauer book, His Secret Obsession, he discussed the importance of female vulnerability and how it awakens the masculine spirit. When a woman is willing to bare her wounds at the appropriate time in the relationship it makes room for a man to protect, defend, nurture, and love her. Men may not be as quick to show their emotional wounds but when a woman can be vulnerable with him he has the opportunity to show her both his strength and even his own weaknesses.

Sometimes the very thing you’re hiding from the world might be the one thing that makes you exceptionally beautiful to a man.

10. Stop Any Sign Of Timidity and Work On Igniting The Love Once He Shows Interest.

Contrary to popular belief, unless you’re only attracting players and Lotharios, most men want emotional intimacy. I’ve come across women who knew how to escalate a man’s desire for emotional closeness and those who didn’t have a clue. I definitely stuck around much longer with the women who knew how to escalate my emotional interest in them (my wife being the best of them).There are two ways to accomplish this. The first one is being receptive. When a man does anything that shows that he cherishes you and wants to protect, provide, or possess you (ownership)…appreciate it…a lot. Your appreciation will reaffirm that you accept his masculine need to protect, provide for, or possess that which is feminine and tender. When he tells you secrets, cherish it. When he shows you glimpses of his heart – the insecurities, the hopes, dreams, and hang-ups, no matter how ugly they are…cherish him. If he does something unusually thoughtful or goes out of his way to meet a need of yours…cherish it and show your appreciation in word and deed. I cannot stress this enough.

The second way to go about this is by drawing him in to you with enticing moments of female tenderness. These moments display a woman’s capacity to love proactively, and they’re usually the moments men remember most when you ask them: “So when did you know that you wanted to marry her?” They are subtle, but most importantly, they are specific to different men. What one man may find to be an unforgettably adorable moment with you another man might not even consider significant at all.

One of the keys to loving proactively lies in how effective you are at understanding the way the man you’re interested in prefers to give and receive love. For example, some men need more words of affirmation to feel loved, while others need acts of service. Some guys need more physical affection. Others require small, thoughtful gifts, and some even require more quality time to feel special to a woman.

This subject is covered much more in-depth in bestselling author, James Bauer’s book, His Secret Obsession.

In it, he explains how to trigger a man’s hero instinct. If you haven’t come across the hero instinct yet, it’s a new concept in relationship psychology that is generating a lot of buzz at the moment. It’s an eye-opening read that tackles 3 big relationship issues. This book is highly recommended.

Generally, men risk rejection by being the pursuers and initiators of romantic interest. Women on the other hand, risk rejection as the primary pursuers of commitment. In the same way a man must put his neck out there to approach, meet, and secure the romantic desire of a woman, a woman must accept the risks that come with getting a man to form an emotional attachment to her (in order to secure his commitment). This is done by her thoughtful acts of love and loyalty.

Fortune favors the bold, however; so don’t be afraid to offer your love and loyalty to a man after he’s begun to show you a definite romantic interest. Most importantly, as things progress, don’t worry about the outcome and never keep score. Simply love him proactively and use both your common sense and female intuition to decipher whether or not your love is being respected or simply taken for granted. If a man respects, responds to, and returns your love with greater displays of loyalty and commitment…he’s a keeper. If he doesn’t, kick him to the curb.

Hope this helped.

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