Dating : How to Stop Getting Emotionally Attached to the Wrong People

The first step to getting what you want in life is to know what you want. It’s also true when it comes to dating. Some people going on dates have no clear idea of what they’re looking for and end up in situations that hurt them on many levels.

If you have a dating goal in mind, however, you will be more confident and know what signs to watch out for when weeding out incompatible partners.

Dr Ali Binazir, author of the popular self-help book The Tao of Dating advises that you should write down your goals and affirmations in the present tense every morning for 90 days to trick the subconscious into manifesting them.

After you have set yourself a goal, whether it be a serious relationship or a fun, casual fling, you need to know your boundaries and standards.

Tip: Stay firm when your boundaries and standards are challenged.

What are these? In simple terms, standards are what you would say ‘yes’ to, and boundaries are what you would say ‘no’ to. They’re the terms and conditions that allow you to be a healthy, happy human in a relationship that adds value to your life.

The new people you meet won’t always share your dating goal or your expectations for a relationship. That’s why, to filter out those who are not on the same page as you, you need to stay firm when your boundaries and standards are challenged.

Getting attached to the wrong people often happens when you rush the dating process and get intimate (no, not just sex) with someone before having a good understanding of who they are as a person and their views on relationships.

Forming an attachment with someone should be a conscious decision. You should really know who gives you that cocktail of neurochemicals before you drink it up. And the best way to do that is by talking to them and seeing them in different social situations over time.

Having a drink or two can help you loosen up but going all out on the first few dates can potentially cloud your judgment.

A study also found that there was a strong correlation between alcohol consumption on a date and the likelihood it ended in sex.

So if you’re not prepared to have sex or fall in love with someone you don’t know well, this study advises you to drink moderately and limit your number of glasses to about two.

Daters often steer clear from serious topics such as views on marriage and children for fear of scaring their partner away. But that’s exactly why you need to have these conversations early on because the only people you will scare away are the people who are wrong for you.

Tip: Talk openly and neutrally about important topics.

When the relationship is still new and light, it’s good to talk openly and neutrally about important topics to gauge long-term compatibility or at least to know where the relationship might be heading. Some conversation examples are life goals, relocation plans if any, preferences on pets, personal finance, or any other topics you find significant.

If you have reasons to believe someone is wrong for you, you owe it to yourself to walk away immediately. The longer you stay involved with someone, the stronger your attachment with them is, and the more the relationship impacts you. So, if the relationship is toxic, you’ll suffer longer than you ever deserve.

End the relationship quickly, take your time to recover, and your search shall continue.