Dating : How You Can Thrive in a Long-Distance Relationship

Needing to go long-distance is not a doom sentence to your relationship.

I’m a bit lucky because my relationship didn’t start out long-distance. I was with my partner for about a year before he got laid off in New Jersey and took a job offer in Maryland. We lived apart for about six months then I got a better job down in Maryland and threw my tech support headset in the metaphorical trash. Sadly, I couldn’t throw in the literal trash because, you know, company property.

We lived together for nine months in Maryland and then… my partner got a ridiculously good job offer. Where? Back in New Jersey. So he moved back to NJ, staying with family temporarily, and I moved closer to my job in Baltimore. Then we were long-distance again for another eight months while I applied to grad schools and did my time at my job in Maryland. I didn’t want to leave too quickly and risk being labeled a job hopper.

It’s hard to stay sane and keep building your relationship when you’re long-distance. Though it’s not easy, it is definitely possible. Relationships always take work, whether you’re living together, living in the same town, or in completely different countries. Long-distance relationships might be a little more work, but you’re not getting out of putting that effort in no matter what.

Texting is an easy mode of communication, but since it is simple, it can be really enjoyable. It’s easy to text between classes, on breaks from work, or when you’re home relaxing. It’s not so much effort that keeping in touch becomes exhausting.

When you’re long-distance, it’s easier for insecurities to creep in. Don’t let that make you get suspicious or impatient about getting responses from your partner — we’re all adults with busy lives. Even if you’re a college student, I’d wager you still have a pretty darn busy life.

Phone calls are great, it’s really nice to hear a person’s voice, but they can sometimes be stressful too. If you’re trying to schedule them or squeeze them in too frequently, it can get stressful for one of you or both of you.

This is something that really depends on the couple, but it’s worth having a discussion about it. One of you might want to call every day or twice a day, such as when you first wake up or first go to bed. One of you might prefer to call every other day. It all depends on what you’re comfortable with. If you’re texting a lot and you both like that, daily calls might not feel necessary.

For me, I actually hate talking on the phone. I worked tech support for over a year, working many 12 hour shifts (9am to 9pm of pure, unadulterated tech support torture) and that made me abhor talking on the phone. I’d spend 90% of that time on the phone with people — I worked at a very busy helpdesk. So even when it comes to talking to my loved ones, I’d really rather text or email.