Dating : “I Miss You” Is Not Enough.

It was one of those texts I could feel coming.

With some people, you can only ignore them so much before they start to go a little insane. And with him it didn’t take long before I received it.

The rambling apology. The “I miss you” text. The standard “you’re still my best friend” even though we’ve hardly talked in the past year because, ahem, he cuts every conversation short and disappears.

But between apologies and well wishes, I saw what I was really looking for. He didn’t even try to hide it.

He said he wouldn’t be able to give me the communication I deserved. He wouldn’t be as responsive or engaging or attentive. In other words, he just knew he wasn’t going to show up.

And that, at the end of the day, is literally the entire point.

I can’t do anything with an “I miss you”. I can’t do anything with well wishes. I can’t do anything with thoughts for my Mom (who is doing extraordinarily well, thank you very much). I cannot waste one more solitary minute on someone essentially telling me nothing is going to change.

That’s the difference, isn’t it?

We need changed behavior. We deserve changed behavior. Because without it, there are just words. Words that are enticing. Words that we’ve wanted to hear for months. All this time secretly hoping they’d just be the person you wanted them to be.

But then you step back.

And you look at what they’re really saying.

Poor communication is a confession. Sit with that for a second. It’s an acknowledgment that they want you in their life, but they don’t wanna work for it. They don’t want to put in the effort. And you cannot do anything with no effort. You simply can’t.

It comes down to a question.

It’s simple really.

Is an “I miss you text” how a true partner behaves?

No. Because that’s not a partnership. That’s temptation back into a game. Back into a cycle where they can keep you in their orbit without acting upon anything. Without truly putting in the work. And if you’re willing to work and they aren’t, no amount of effort on your end is going to change that.

To love someone is different than love. To love someone means effort. It means a grind. It means actual commitment.

You do not get to enter my life, my brain, or my space whenever you miss me. You do not get to walk back in when you’re feeling lonely. Or sad. Or like you didn’t make the right choice by letting me go.

You get to enter my life when you demonstrate change. When you show growth. When you respect me. When you respect my time.

And most of all, my love.