Dating : I Stopped Boosting His Ego and We

At 33, I have dated quite a few different types of men, all of which continue to lead me in the right direction (I hope!) of my person. The most recent one took me for the most intense 3 month ride and overnight pulled back and left me no choice but to dump him. The first week post breakup was miserable because everyday I tried to wrap my brain around what happened, what did I do? How could the guy that made me his girlfriend in a week, said I love you a few days after that, and flew me a month later to meet his family all of a sudden do a 180?

If you just read the last question and thought, “Who does that so quickly??” You have the correct response, but I got caught up in all the words which were followed by actions and honestly thought that love at first sight did exist. He would text non-stop, constantly saying nice things to me which made me in turn return the compliments. However, a red flag I should have waved higher was in person he rarely asked me questions trying to get to know me and was continuously telling stories about him and his past and his friends….see a pattern?

This pattern started to become very apparent to me about 2 months in, and I started expressing that I would like him to ask me more questions and did not feel like he wanted to be a part of my life and my goals. He always assured me that was not the case, but as the next few weeks went on nothing changed. All our weekends were spent doing his favorite hobbies with his friends and I was along for the ride.

The problem was I was really loving the ride! He was successful so our weekends were filled with riding on his boat, traveling on his dime, and going to fun events with his friends. As much as I would like to say that stuff does not matter to me, it was a lot of fun! I was so appreciative of the time and money he was spending with and on me that I continued to thank him and tell him how amazing he was with each new experience he told me about or brought me along for.

I started to realize most of his friends were along for the ride too…..all of us are just feeding him and his ego because he was in charge and bringing everyone on the boat, to the lake house, to front row tickets at the baseball game.

Now, I did not have this perspective while I was in the relationship, quite the opposite. It took an unfortunate case of us both getting violently ill together, which required us to become selfless for the other person at the same time. He took care of me the first day, but as the days went on he was more sick and needed more attention which I gave. He needed to go to the Doctor and then get some tests run, and I moved everything around to go to all the appointments because he wanted me there. After about 4 days, I could only hear him say he was sick so much more. As we were sitting in the Doctor’s office, I unknowingly rolled my eyes and the that was the beginning of the end.

We were headed on a trip the next day that he uninvited me from, blaming us not getting along and for 2 weeks he continued to distance himself from me. Wait, what?? I should have received girlfriend of the year, but I was getting punished for rolling my eyes! For 11 days, he barely spoke to me and when we did he projected on me all of the things I was not doing. It finally came out that he was upset I rolled my eyes, and I was dumbfounded.

I understand being annoyed with your significant other for rolling their eyes, but to punish them for 11 days is absolutely crazy!! As we tried to work it out, it continued spiraling out of control because I stopped stroking his ego. I was being the strong woman I am, and he did not like it. I began demonstrating the behavior he was doing, waiting hours between texts, not calling and becoming distant.

Finally, I ended the relationship. I ended the relationship before I gained the clarity I have now. However, I knew anyone that could punish the person they love so much for rolling their eyes was no one I wanted to be with.

After some time passed, I realized I stopped giving him ammunition for his ego and highs. Make sure to date someone that is bringing as much to your life as you are bringing to their life. If they are not asking you questions and getting to know your true self, you are just a filler.

I am glad I rolled my eyes, he did a 180 and now I have my life and my next lesson closer to my person.