h2>Dating : I took myself on a date.
In this world where we’re told to “be safe,” we forget sometimes that requires us to also “be happy.” Mental wellness is important. I recognized the risks with venturing outside of my apartment, and also knew that I needed to get out.
The early days of the week included surges of extreme emotion. A lot of difficult and sometimes painful questions. A lot of release. This act of taking myself on a date was to give myself the freedom to celebrate personal growth and progress.
As with any date, there were rules.
- Set an intention.
- Create a timeline.
- Feel good about how I’m presenting myself.
- Live in the moment.
- Stay curious and stick to my values.
- Respond with truth and listen without expectation.
- Have a sense of humor.
Focus on the questions and moments that lead you to uncover joy.
I secured an 8pm reservation at the restaurant down the street where I’d get to enjoy one of the last meals they’d ever serve. (Ready for you to leave us, pandemic.) I gave myself an hour between my last meeting and my arrival. Be home by 10pm.
I wanted to feel sexy. I enlisted the help of the “Taste” playlist over my speakers and slipped into lingerie that I normally set aside for the enjoyment of others. I brushed and straightened my hair, smoothed out a long, black, form fitting dress, and topped it off with lace.
I never wear makeup, so I couldn’t remember where I’d buried the bag. If you can even call it that. It’s more like a pouch. Yes, this pouch in which I store my makeup has frayed edges and peeling trim. But it does what it needs to, I suppose. I applied a little eyeshadow and then laughed when I discovered a dried and clumped mascara wand. Typical. There was enough to make it appear as though I put in some effort on my face to mark this as a special occasion. Satisfied, I fastened a necklace, and slipped on some bronze heels that would match the glamorous clutch once reserved for classy parties. I snagged an oversized dress coat from the closet and sauntered out the door with my notebook, my companion if you will, for the evening.
As I walked through the doors, I remarked how this once simple occasion — of entering a world other than my apartment — felt like walking through a portal to someone else’s life in a different dimension.
I mentioned to the host that I was taking myself on a date, and she responded, “That’s the best. Then you don’t have to worry about making annoying conversation.” I nodded in agreement, my smile hidden behind my mask.
To stay present, I was only to use my phone to document the moments I wanted to remember, when I struggled to find the words to write in my notebook. I’m still working on how to best use my words.
As someone who often ignores my needs to accommodate the those of others, this was an important evening. I checked in constantly. “What do I desire in this moment? A bite? A sip? A shift in posture? A smile to acknowledge the affection shared by the couple on the other side of the room?”
As with any date, I planned to connect on a deeper level. Ask questions to see if our values align. I tend to stop myself from asking intense questions on a first date. I always want to dive in, get to the core of what makes them tick, but I also recognize how scary vulnerability can be. But here, I could ask without abandon. “Where does my joy abound?” “Is it okay to find so much meaning and purpose in community with others?” “When I visualize the life I want for myself, what do I hear? Smell? Touch?”
Within my notebook, I asked questions in line with my evening intention to uncover joy. I transcribed responses to some, and allowed others to stay unanswered.
I added to the map outline I’m creating to visualize my upcoming year. “Where will Adventure Alley lead?” “What will await me when I drive into Self-care Court?”
The vibe was impressive. They created a warm atmosphere that reflected the food. The dining area was spaced well for safety reasons. Leather seating and marbled tabletops gave it class. The volume of the music was loud enough to not hear your company chewing, but soft enough to hear yourself think. The mural offered charm and character. I created stories about the figures with lightbulbs in their mouths. Old friends exchanging ideas, brandy in one hand, a cigar in the other.
I made practical notes about the food: “Create a dish with sunchokes. Who came up with that name?” “Eating dairy is best reserved for nights alone.”
So, was it a good first date?
I would say yes, with 100% certainty. There was no rush to be anywhere, or concern for anyone else’s time or desires. The process was exhausting, exhilarating, and ultimately, empowering. I stayed true to my intention, skipped outside and took a deep breath of fresh, cold air, filled with joy and anticipation.
As I continue my search to find another human who is willing to embark on this journey with me, then I need know that I can enjoy my own company and love myself along the way.
And, if you’re wondering, I said yes to a second date in the very near future.
