Dating : In Search of Our Best Selves

Next came Love. Now, this was an emotion I found was easy to feel. The teaching should also be easy, or so I thought. I love my family, husband, friends, cat, and writing, but I didn’t realize that living my vision of love didn’t stop there.

It needed to be all-encompassing. It’s the state of loving we strive for, even with people or things we don’t like.

My first concern was that I’d become a pushover. No longer someone who could stand up for what I thought was appropriate. Was I able to set boundaries? Did I have to love everything about everyone all of the time?

In my search to feel love, it came to my attention I needed to get rid of my ego. I had a propensity to need to be right all the time. If you forgot something, I’d point it out. If you wronged me, I’d chastise you for it.

Interestingly, once I thought about it, being right never made me feel better in the long run. It was a quick fix like eating chocolate or drinking alcohol. Once the buzz ran out, all I was left with was my point.

The argument, the alienation, or the pain I caused to the other person was rarely worth it. The feelings of sadness and loneliness I felt that followed made being right less satisfying.

I now think before I speak. I ask myself, are my words and actions going to serve me for expressing and receiving love. If it doesn’t, I readjust my behaviour, or at best, I wait a while to see if it’s something I feel I must do.

The teaching reminded me to “be” love rather than to see love as a separate entity. Humanists have known about this for the longest time. When I live in a state of love, it opens me to be joyful and calm.

Just remember, when you feel love, it’s impossible also to feel hate at the same time.

I think about all the emotions that dragged me down when I allowed anger, disappointment, and sadness to rule me. Now with the insight and choice to focus on the higher states of being, I live in positivity a great deal of the time.

If you wrong me, does this mean I won’t be mad at you?

Of course not. It just means I get to choose if your behaviour will bring me down. And if so, for how long.