Dating : Incels are Lazy as F*ck

They’re not Alone, Of course…

Is it wrong to be single? Absolutely not.

As monks and hermits and maiden aunts have known for millennia, being alone can be wonderful. Many of us prefer our own company. I myself am more introverted than not.

I have friends and I date and I do love the people I’m close to but I also crave time to myself. To read, to think, to play video games… recently I’ve been getting back into Stardew Valley. Something about that game during a time of pandemic stress… but I digress.

My point was, if a man desires to be alone, or to casually date many women without getting serious with any of them, that isn’t wrong. It’s his choice.

My issue, to the extent I have one, is with incels, or involuntary celibates.

Even the name rubs me the wrong way, because the implication is that they want women for just one purpose — sex. And that gives the clue as to why, perhaps, they have no luck with the ladies.

The modern women does not want to be seen as merely a soft organic casing around a vagina.

Even women back in the Stone Age wanted to be treated as more than that. It’s unfortunate that often women had no options, though, but to accept their role as a receptacle for male excretions.

Here I’m not talking about just the obvious physical stuff, but the emotional and mental stuff as well. Women used to be told they had to put up with whatever crap men wanted to dish out, because they needed men to support them, to support their children and so on.

That has changed. Women don’t need men for their wallets anymore. And this is what seems to drive incel rage.

It’s not that women don’t still want and need men.

But what does a woman want a man for? She wants a companion, a friend, a confidante, a lover. She wants someone who will be a good partner.

In order to be those things, though, a man’s got to be a companion, a friend, and so on. There’s the rub.

From my limited trolling on the incel sites, what I’ve seen is men who objectify women. They want a woman who will be physically beautiful, sexually compliant and willing to tolerate whatever garbage the incel wants to spew.

Sorry boys, that’s not going to fly anymore. I guess that explains the rage, because it’s a lot easier to get angry at someone else than to look at yourself and make a change.

Lest I be accused of sexism, I want to make it clear — there are female equivalents to incels as well.

I encountered a few when I first got back into dating. Women who’ve been divorced, for example, and are so full of bitterness and rage that they are nothing but a toxic emotional soup. Every rejection they experience just feeds their anger at men.

If they’d listen to me, I’d tell these ladies the same thing I’d tell incels — stop being so d*mned lazy. Get off your butt and do the work to improve yourself.

Ask yourself — would you want to date yourself?

Be honest when you answer this question. Recognize that if you have nothing to bring to the table except your misery, the only people who will want you are those who are either just as miserable or those who want to use you.

If you want to find love or at least a modicum of affection, you need to be lovable.

That doesn’t mean you need to be rich or beautiful. It does mean you need to genuinely care about someone besides yourself. It means maybe you have some empathy and compassion for the other person. This involves something called emotional intelligence, and not all of us have been blessed with it.

I can tell you, speaking just for myself — I had to work on this. I was lucky enough to have a high IQ and unlucky enough to have almost no EQ. I had to work my butt off to be able to relate to other people so I wasn’t a social pariah.

I get it. I understand this is hard work. And if you’re somewhere on the autistic spectrum, it’s even harder.

Is it worth it?

Only you can decide if it is. But if you are involuntarily celibate, obviously you are craving that connection.

My advice to you — take responsibility for your life. Stop whining. And do the f*cking work.