Dating : I’ve dated a drama queen. It was fun until it wasn’t

Drama queens are around us, yet so many of us have troubles noticing those issues and recognizing them early on. I cannot call myself a victim of a drama queen because at the end I was the one who allowed it go through. There is nobody to blame except me. There are many amazing and interesting woman in this world, but this article is specifically about drama queens.

Let’s call that girl “Lucy”. Lucy always thought she is doing everything right. She knows how to dress well, she knows how to move well, she knows how others should treat her. She knows what others should. She just knows. Nothing wrong with it, right?

Turns out that this is the biggest red flag. Because Lucy believes that she knows everything about her life and the life of others. She thinks life should be constructed only the way she wants to. That’s not a problem at all, but she drags down other people around her to be like that as well — selfish and close-minded. She must be the center of your attention. Always.

When I first met her online, I thought she is my soulmate. She says that I’m amazing and the best person she ever met. Lucy thinks that I play guitar perfectly (even though I know that’s not true) and my music is really cool.

It’s hard to not fall for it, right? Yet I fell for it. And I thought this is actually what she thinks. We were talking day and night. She seems to really understand me.

Lucy could be an amazing girlfriend, I thought.

Lucy and I were living in different towns and we decided to meet and travel around. Yes, I was so mind-blown by her I’ve traveled with her for several weeks to get to know her better.

It was a great trip. We were always together seeing different places. I never have felt so great and amazing around a woman. It really felt like we connect somewhere on a spiritual level.

What could go wrong after that trip, you ask? Everything. The typical drama queen cannot stand being left alone even for a few hours. She always needs to feel communication flowing. At least something that makes her feel you care. They always feels like you will abandon her in the future.

Initially, you feel like it’s normal and you give her that attention. But it’s never enough. You give her more attention and yet she says that you don’t care about her. It feels like you always need to have a strong wire and be connected to her. Otherwise it doesn’t work. That’s what she thinks.

As we discussed, a drama queen have a fear of rejection. She needs to be around you all the time. And it was fine with me at the beginning. But I also have my hobbies and things to do — after some time I’ve broken up with her.

Surprise! You cannot break up easily with a drama queen, especially if you allow yourself to be dragged down like me. After I announced a break up, she begged me to stay. She said that she cannot live without me and I need to be with her.

I’ve decided to go ahead and try again… But it happened multiple times and each time it was a full cycle of re-starting a relationship and then breaking up.

I’ve liked her a lot, so I always returned at some point. And broke up again. Could it be a sign of a healthy relationship? I think not at all.

I’ve realized that it’s a common problem and not something that should be ignored. A typical drama queen has those issues:

• She will try to devastate your relationship with friends and family. Remember, she is a priority and nobody else.
• Fear of abandonment and rejection. Be with her all the time or you will have a long lesson on how selfish you are.
• She has no hobbies. You must be around to please her because she has no other interests in life except being herself.
• She will talk about the future together while ignoring all the huge differences between you two.
• Talking to her feels like always being on the edge. You never know how she reacts.
• Mood swings. The day might start perfectly and by the evening it will become a nightmare. Or vice versa. You never know the next chapter.
• You are either a genius or evil. Because of the mood swings one day you’ll be her best partner and next day she will eat you alive. Nothing in between. Only extremes.
• Mirroring your emotions. If you say or do something to her, she will react the same way, mirroring you. Want to go meet a female friend? Be prepared that she will go meet her male friend the same day. Why? Because she just wants to react that way to make you jealous.

I doubt there was any solution to it unless Lucy have realized all those patterns herself. I still don’t think she understands how it hurts others, otherwise she could have mentioned that she is sick and have tried something to fix those problems.

I think it’s hard to diagnose this problem and scientifically there are two terms that might describe that behavior: Bipolar and Borderline personality disorders.

Let’s ask Wikipedia about those diagnosis:

Borderline personality disorder (BPD), also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD), is a long-term pattern of abnormal behavior characterized by unstable relationships with other people, unstable sense of self and unstable emotions.

Bipolar disorder, previously known as manic depression, is a mental disorder that causes periods of depression and periods of abnormally elevated mood.The elevated mood is significant and is known as mania, or hypomania if less severe and symptoms of psychosis are absent.During mania, an individual behaves or feels abnormally energetic, happy, or irritable. Individuals often make poorly thought out decisions with little regard to the consequences.

But before coming up to any conclusions, it should be clear that only a medical institution could set a diagnosis for those people. They might be sick or not sick. There are many aspects of a problem.

Run! If you are reading those words this is my advice to you. If you see the patterns written above repeating all over again with no improvements, it means that there is nothing that could save that broken relationship.

Every day will be like walking on needles with Lucy. You never know what she will do next and you never know the next trick she has for you.

If you like to live in a novel written by someone else and enjoy being manipulated, then this relationship is for you. Otherwise, just break it off and move on with your life. It’s not worth it.

I should mention that this is my opinion and I’m not trying to set your mind on something. It’s your life and your choices. Some people like drama. If you are that person then it might be a perfect relationship for you.

On a positive side? I wrote this article to make you aware. Thank you, Lucy!