Dating : Love in the Digital Age: Somewhere Between F.O.M.O. And F.O.B.O.

We all want to experience that great love. That head over heels, boombox on the lawn, Ross-and-Rachel kind of love. But how can we reconcile the discrepancies between this fairy tale syndrome and the bleak realities of love in the digital world?

The Internet and social dating Apps have transformed modern day love as the pool of potential partners is rapidly expanding. However, the ever-present opportunity for love has not made it any easier for people to find “the one.” A survey of over 17,000 people across 37 countries found that 80 percent of people believe love can last forever, however 48 percent feel dating was simpler before the Internet. Consequentially lovers of today find themselves stuck between FOMO (fear of missing out) and FOBO (fear of better options).

FOMO with love and dating makes us feel like we are missing out on something (and someone) incredible. And believe it or not, FOMO is quantifiable — 69 percent of people say that not having a partner makes you miss out on an important part of life. This fear has made us more insecure about the quest for love itself. Dating Apps like Tinder pressure users to look and act like airbrushed versions of themselves and the widespread availability of porn has turned sex into an athletic event that people are willing to train for. And yet, despite the difficulties in finding love 45 percent of men and 31 percent of women would rather be in an unfulfilling relationship than be alone.

FOBO, or the fear of better options, is FOMO’s more outgoing and adventurous cousin. Internet technologies have gamified the dating process as people can surf through hundreds of romantic options without leaving their couch. We use dating Apps to maximize our chances of finding love, yet most of us agree that Apps have made people more selective about who we date. To further complicate matters, we are inflicted by “Tinderella Syndrome” which has turned flirting into an end in and of itself, as a match is a reassurance more often than an opportunity to meet someone.

The sheer volume of potential mates makes it harder for people to settle on the one. 36 percent of people admit that they wonder if they can find someone better while in a committed relationship. The digital environment has also transformed the way we treat people we are dating, hooking up with or even just talking to. The movement of flirtation from offline to online makes it easier for hearts and minds to wander. Especially due to the popularity of quickly-erased messaging platforms like Snapchat that ensure illicit interactions remain undiscovered.

The digital age has radically transformed our experiences with love and dating. However even though Internet technologies have made it easier for people to find potential matches they have also so much choice that people often feel paralyzed with indecision. What began as ever lasting love is now ever lasting dating as people find themselves stuck between FOMO and FOBO over love. It will be interesting to see how love continues to transform as things like rate-your-date and DNA composition dating profiles gain popularity.