Dating : Loving the Highly Sensitive Person

Emotional Connection. HSP’s are very particular in who they allow into their inner world because of the intensity and passion in their emotions. They have a huge amount of love to give but are selective on who they let in. Their love runs extremely deep and they pride themselves on their loyalty, so being in an intimate relationship with an HSP will be one of the most intense, passionate and emotionally intimate relationships you may ever have.

On the flipside, HSP’s feel everything, so they will inevitably feel their partner’s emotions and often take them on. As their partner, you may be asked, “Are you OK?” or “Is everything alright?”. These are clues that an HSP is picking up on their partner’s emotions and feelings to make sure the status quo is good and that their partner is OK. As a partner to an HSP, open and unadulterated communication are essential to a happy and fulfilling relationship.

Balance. Imbalance is seen in too much energy, too much excitement, too many people, too much noise…just too much. It’s overwhelming to an HSP who requires calm and structure to be at their most productive and happiest. HSP’s are OK with hitting a loud or crowded place but a balance is necessary for them to recharge their energy and realign for their needs. If you hit the party tonight, the best remedy is to stay indoors and cuddle the next night. This is also where an HSP shines and flourishes in a relationship.

Learn Each Other’s Love Language. This holds true for any relationship but may hold more strength for the HSP because they are often highly particular on what they like (and don’t like). If they aren’t a fan of a French restaurant, coughing up a couple hundred bucks won’t impress them if it entails getting dressed up in uncomfortable clothes, or being overwhelmed with noise.

Instead, they may opt for less-expensive takeout in their favorite loungewear and a massage. Bonding time and intimacy are very important to an HSP (not to mention a relationship in general). Because communication is so important in a relationship, understanding what each partner needs or enjoys can not only help save money on frivolous expenses, but it can increase the bond between two partners.

Flexibility & Give and Take. Since HSP’s are easily overwhelmed, heading to a warehouse store or super center is something they probably despise with the bright lights, cold warehouse environment, crowded aisles, and noise levels hitting 90 decibels. A healthy trade-off in a relationship with an HSP is in understanding each others strengths and limitations and working together in maximizing each other’s strengths.

If an HSP partner struggles with a warehouse store, opt to do the grocery shopping and ask if they’re good with making dinner. Or, find a more intimate store that you both can go to together. Similarly, letting your HSP partner know your feelings and what you need and want in a relationship can help increase understanding between both partners and reduce uncertainties which often lead to unnecessary arguments.

Close, Intimate Relationships. HSP’s require close and very intimate relationships for their happiness. This doesn’t mean their partner can’t go hangout with their friends or their family. They can and they’re usually encouraged to. And, in a healthy relationship the partner will be OK with this and not push an HSP to engage in parties or banter that overwhelms them.

While an HSP may choose to skip one party or another while opting for a hot bath instead, this in no way should be seen as disrespectful to their partner or friends/family. They usually find other options to help meet their partner’s needs, too.

For example, those who genuinely love an HSP will understand that, depending on the circumstances, an HSP may not go to all the parties, but may attend one or have family and friends over for a holiday at their home where they can run to their bedroom to recharge, if needed.

Openness & Vulnerability. HSP’s require balance and calm in their lives. Partners who are too intense or don’t handle relationship issues in a healthy way can easily overwhelm an HSP and probably cause more drama between partners. Yes, communication is key, and part of functional communication is in how conflicts, relationship issues or personal problems are resolved. Lying to an HSP that everything is OK is not an option; because of their high sensitivity they will probably know they’re being lied to.

Dodging personal issues or things that the partner may not want to see or address doesn’t mean the HSP partner won’t see the issue. They will. Part of being an HSP is that they see everything, often too much. Here’s where authenticity and vulnerability come into play. Since the HSP probably already knows what their partner is trying to hide or avoid, it’s always safest to manage personal pain or problems in a healthy and positive way with the HSP partner, remembering that boundaries are important for both partner’s happiness.