h2>Dating : Marriage — A Day In The Life
When your partnership becomes one-sided.
Last September, my wife and I had one of the worst fights that we have had in many years. She was brought to tears and I was left speechless.
I had procrastinated about doing something that could have put our healthcare insurance in jeopardy and with my wife having a chronic illness requiring very expensive medication, the idea of losing insurance is scary as f*ck!!
This wasn’t just some random occurrence.
Over the many years we have been married our fights have typically centered around me not being an equal partner in our relationship and the lack of sex and intimacy in our marriage.
These two are obviously very much tied together, but I was unable or unwilling to admit that. I preferred to think that my wife simply wasn’t attracted to me any longer as if this was a better alternative?
What my wife did so well in this particular fight was very specifically tie the two of these things together.
You see, the night prior to this blowup my wife had worked a full day and was busy planning for my daughter’s sleepover that was taking place the next. I had volunteered to pickup my other daughter from her dance class that night but hadn’t really done much to help out my wife earlier in the day causing frustration to build up in her the entire day.
It had been about a month since my wife and I had last been intimate and while waiting for my daughters’ class to get out, I thought it would be a good idea to send my wife a suggestive text message to see if she may be interested in a rendezvous later that evening.
So, you can probably see where this is heading.
The text message was not well received AT ALL.
Needless to say, given her response which I will not include here, I didn’t pursue any romantic get together that evening and to her credit she didn’t mention it later that night either.
The next morning is when I discovered that thing that I had procrastinated about may negatively impact our insurance. That’s when it all came to a head.
“I’m working my ass off all day getting things ready for our daughter’s party and you send me some stupid text message because you want to get laid!!”
There were a few other choice words used in this exchange and I could see the pain and hurt on her face that I had caused.
She had some plans that morning so she left the house very upset and when she returned home took me aside (ordered me is more like it) so she could speak with me.
This was the last straw!!
She was so tired of being the only adult in the room and had gotten to a point where she needed to let me know that she was ready and very much able to just continue with life on her own.
We have had our share of fights and disagreements over the years but less than a handful have really made me feel as if a divorce could be a reality.
This was her final wake-up call to me.
She told me she loved me and wanted to spend our lives together, but we can’t continue like this. This relationship was no longer a partnership and she very much felt that she was being taken for granted.
Typically, during an argument I’ll get defensive and argue back (often saying something hurtful and then she’ll counter with the same as we are both very bad in arguments and they tend to escalate quickly), but this time was different.
She was absolutely correct about everything, and I just sat there silent only able to offer a meaningless “I’m sorry, I’ll do better, you deserve better.” I meant those words in all sincerity but again words ring hollow without actions to back them up.
Leaving that discussion, I had decided enough was enough and that I had to get my behavior under control.
She wasn’t calling for anything drastic. Just to take some of the daily burden off her shoulders. Maybe this was by doing more around the house or listening more attentively when she asks me to do something or taking more initiative with the children. All things that I should have been doing all along but that I lost sight of over the years.
I decided to start with the easy stuff first. Every morning since that day I have started my day asking myself four questions
“What can I do today to make my wife’s burden a little less?”
“What can I do to be more helpful?”
“Have I done everything that was asked of me?”
“I have I taken the initiative to do more?”
I end each day asking the same questions.
What I had discovered from doing this exercise is just how much shit I was leaving to my wife to do everyday on top of everything else she was responsible for.
It was downright embarrassing if you want to know the truth.
Here I am, someone that professes his love for his wife all the time, yet I can see why she interpreted that as me just wanting to “get laid”. What was I really doing to show her how much I cared for her and appreciated her? Not much it turns out.
This had been such an eye-opening opportunity and I hope that I finally “get it” and this isn’t something that I’ll do for a few months and then revert back to my old ways.
If this was a relationship that I truly wanted, then I needed to earn her trust and her affection. I needed to fight for us and our life together. I needed to do better because I must do better.
I love her…it was time I did more than just tell her.
