h2>Dating : Why Is Romance so Important?
5 secret reasons why.
If you’re a man, let’s face it, there’s a very slim chance you’re going to be reading this article. If you’re a woman, however, there’s a very good chance that you are already interested in romance and have been for a very long time. But why is that? Why are women so attuned to romance whereas men are not natural romantics? So why do men know how to be romantic when they are chasing a woman, but after a few short years of marriage, it’s as if being in a long term relationship makes them unlearn the skill. What if romance could be a style of relating that men could learn and be comfortable in perpetuating? Now wouldn’t that be something? Let’s look at five areas that reveal why romance is so important in long term relationships.
We all sort of accepting that women love romance. But slow down a minute and really think about this concept. Women actually just completely love romance. It’s not as if it is alike. It is a need. Let me explain it this way. You might have a favorite food, a favorite outfit, a favorite color. It’s not like that. It’s not like a lot of women like romance and others don’t. All women love romance. And that is pure because romance is an innate need for a woman. But it’s not an entirely egocentric thing either. Women are actually drawn to all forms of romance. Let me prove it to you this way. You are walking past a wedding. The bride is having her photo taken in her long flowing pure white dress holding a beautiful bouquet of simply stunning flowers… If you are a woman the chances are you have slowed your pace and can’t help but look. If you are with a man though he is probably trying to usher you along faster and saying, “Come on, nothing to see here” (that’s only if he has even noticed the bride in the first place).
There’s something else that proves my theory. It’s called a multi-billion dollar romance novel publishing industry. What woman doesn’t love a great romance story or to watch an emotional “Rom-Com”? Romance novels have a 99% female readership for a reason and that reason is because romance is a need for a woman. The problem though is that need is not being fulfilled in many long term relationships. Romance tends to fall off most men’s radar once the chase ends which leads to many women’s great disappointment and often depression over her relationship. Romance being a need for a woman is a secret that men need to understand. If a man catches on to this one thing, he can increase the happiness in his relationship for both his partner and himself. If only men knew!
Many women experience an exhausting process of self-protection in their lives. There are many causes of this. It can be based for instance in multi-trauma and abuse they experienced growing up. But it could also be experienced by a woman found very attractive to the opposite sex who is continually hit upon by men wanting to make advances. It can be a male partner who has a much higher sex drive than her and she finds herself putting up a wall of self-protection so any acts of romantic connection are not interpreted by her partner as an instant request for sex. Or it might even be a woman experiencing guilt from partaking in or refusing “mercy sex”. Whatever the reason, hardened walls of defense are wearying to maintain every day. But more than that, they are actually the antithesis of two people being intimate. Why? Because it’s only when we can be vulnerable, it’s only when we can become our true selves, that we can ever hope to experience closeness and deep intimacy.
That’s where romance comes in. There seems to be this magical element about romance that chips away at self-protection. It lowers our defenses. It meets a deep need. It communicates the message that you are special to me, I want to be closer and that you’re worth it (unless, of course, he is being romantic to try and get what he wants!). I found this out when I was a teenager. When I was 14 a new girl came to my school class and I was instantly besotted by her. But I was too intimidated to even talk to her. So I ended up just staring at her trying to work out how I could manage to get up the courage to even say hello. Of course, this just creeped her out big time, and rightly so. I even rode my pushbike 100 kilometers to see her one weekend with no exit plan. So I left at 3 am and arrived at 11 am only to find she was away on holidays! I ended up moving interstate but came back and managed to catch up with her a year later. I spent all of my pocket money and bought her an expensive pen and pencil in a boxed set (It was the nineteen-seventies alright?). I did this just because I wanted to make her happy but the strangest thing happened. She took down my address and promised to write to me. Jackpot! This took me by complete surprise. Why would she want to write to me, the goofy, mute classmate who creeped her out? It’s not until I reflected on this experience years later that I came to understand the importance of romance, even when a man is in the dog house.
If romance does lower self-protection then it means there is a good side and of course a downside. The downside means men can take advantage of you, after all, that’s why defensive walls are there to start with — to stop you from getting hurt. And we all know of women who are taken in by con men who seem wonderfully charming and very romantic only to turn out complete rotters! And there’s always that possibility, there’s no way round it. But that’s what love is wrapped up with. You love someone, then they leave you or they use you, then you hurt. But can’t we use wisdom and experience and the opinion of our trusted friends in place of putting up massive defensive walls designed to keep out not only the bad but end up keeping out the good as well? The upside is that by letting genuine romance into your life you can relax those walls. They can still keep out the bad. They can have gates to let in the good. And no matter what the risk, deep intimacy is allusive without vulnerability.
When we drill down into what message romance communicates, then this is key. When your partner goes to the trouble of stopping on his way home and buying you a lovely bunch of flowers or some other romantic gift, what is the message you receive? At some level, there is a recognition that he has gone out of his way because he has thought about you. He has remembered you and wants to bring you happiness. But it is more than that. It is an act that can build self-esteem. He thinks you are worth it. He doesn’t mind going out of his way and getting you that romantic gift. You are on his mind. You are not forgotten. He could have come home empty-handed, but no, his relationship with you is something special, something he doesn’t want to take for granted. This is something that most men in long term relationships don’t have a clue about. But it’s what women long for. They long for a romantic partner who remembers them and considers them special. Out of all the women in the world, you are the one he goes out of his way to be romantic with, the one he wants to communicate his love to. Both you and the relationship with you is something he is not taking for granted, he values it enough to buy a romantic token of his love for you. Romantic acts communicate all this to a woman from the man she loves.
Romance gives relationships fuel to burn on. Men tend to have the reasoning that the past history of the relationship should communicate the fact that they love their partners. They think that because nothing has happened to change their own mind about their love for their partner since the day they got together that this will be enough for their female partner. But it doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t work that way because women are more grounded in the present. A woman wants to know if her man loves her right now. She wants to hear him tell her he loves her and for him to show he loves her right now in the present. They might have been in a relationship for twenty years but that is no consolation by itself that he still loves her.
The different factor operating here is that because women live in the world of emotions they want to know the health of their relationship today. Emotions are always in the present. This is why it is the woman, not the man, that is generally needing to know the answer to the question, “Do you love me?”
Romance makes the relationship new and exciting today. It is a reminder that the man is still in love with her. She is not forgotten, she still remains at the top of his priorities. Those romantic acts take her back to the early, romantic, highly emotionally charged periods of her relationship and she can just enjoy the feelings of being loved and cherished by the man of her dreams. Sometimes relationships get bogged down in disagreements, negative life pressures and lack of enjoyment. Romance has the ability to bring back enjoyment, love and connection so that a couple don’t continue to drift apart.
Anxiety is everywhere today. It is the number one mental health problem. But have you ever thought about how romance lowers the anxiety in your relationship? The fact is that it lowers a woman’s anxiety concerning her relationship because of a number of factors. Firstly, a woman can relax when her man is genuinely romantic because his attention is on her. She doesn’t have to ruminate negative thoughts in her mind that her man is interested in other women. Why? Because he is connected to her, she feels his attention and admiration is for her. He initiates romance because he loves her and his attention is on her. But it also conveys that he wants to get closer to her. He must be happy with her or he wouldn’t go to the trouble. He wants to connect with her, and he wants to make her happy. It sends the message that he is truthfully happy with her. That means she doesn’t have to continually ask the question, “Do you honestly love me?”, because his romantic gestures aimed uniquely at her, answers the question without her even asking. This is what every woman wants. She wants the question answered every day without her ever needing to ask it. It’s simply that simple.
There is always so much to worry about if one wants to worry. But worrying about your relationship, if it is going to last, if your man is going to fall for someone more prettier, more slimmer, more younger than you is a one-way destination to suffering anxiety big time. Romance simply vaccinates the relationship from all that anxiety and helps to make you feel secure in the relationship without those depressing doubts endlessly looping around in your mind robbing you of any peace. True romance can remove that self-inflicted pain.
These five secret reasons remind us of how important romance is to modern, long term relationships. When you consider how much pleasure romance brings to relationships and the mechanics behind it, why would anyone want to live in an unromantic union? The verdict is out — life is just way too short to live without experiencing real romance in our intimate relationship. It’s about time men too were let in on the secret.
