h2>Dating : Meeting your Prince Charming is no guarantee of a Fairytale ending
I used to hold the belief and ideal that when you finally meet ‘The One’, your soul mate, your twin flame, whatever you may call it, that life just flows and it’s all ease and grace. Skipping off into your happily ever after with rainbows, flowers, & unicorns.
Even as previous relationships were coming to an end and I had become acutely aware of all the shortcomings in the relationship, I would hear my internal dialogue running with things such as “oh won’t it be amazing when I finally meet someone that is open and honest in their communication” or “the guy I end up with will be just like me and have the same sense of humour so we won’t misunderstand each other.” And with each failed relationship you further refine your list of what you are ultimately looking for and what you are definitely NOT looking for.
I have spent many hours over the years daydreaming about how life will be when I finally meet my Prince Charming and what life will look like and feel. It is only now that I recognise I have been doing exactly what I instruct many clients not to do … which is to run a story of “I’ll be happy when…”. Most of us do this with varying things in our life… some of these may sound familiar
· I’ll be happy when I lose weight
· I’ll be happy when I have more money
· I’ll be happy when I am married
· I’ll be happy when my sister finally realises how much I have done for her
· I’ll be happy when my son is finally settled down and I don’t have to worry about him anymore
· I’ll be happy when my health improves
· I’ll be happy when I don’t have to work this job anymore
The first thing I often preach to others is about making peace with where you are today and learning how to be happy with what you currently have and where you are currently at in life. Because if you don’t? Then you are just postponing your reality check. You will find that either you will never attain that thing you are seeking (due to your intense attachment to it and therefore the universe will block it!) … OR you will attain it only to find that you still have areas of discontentment in your life, and achieving said thing hasn’t solved all your problems and magically made you “happy”.
So I know this… and you probably know this… and yet for some reason I still fell into this trap and made the rookie mistake of “I’ll be happy when”-ing all over the place.
Fast forward through a few years of my dreaming about what it would feel like to meet the one. And then we do finally meet. The initial period of pure bliss, joy, love, ecstasy, floating that I felt as I was enrobed in loves seductive blanket was the most powerful and at times overwhelming (in a good way!) experience of my life. It all happened so quickly such was the intensity and perfection of our soul connection and bond that I almost didn’t have time to quite catch up to what was happening. It felt like coming home. It felt like I had found what I had been looking for. Within days we were discussing marriage and planning our future together because it all just felt so right. It felt like a done deal so why would we wait?
So you can imagine then my shock and surprise when a few months in and stuff started coming up between us. And it wasn’t just “you left the toilet seat up” kind of stuff. It was both of our biggest baddest boogie monsters, fears, programs, deepest vulnerabilities, whatever you want to call them…
The first time this happened it threw me into a state of shock, questioning myself, my partner, why this was happening and what it all meant? Was it a sign that because there was no ease and grace that therefore he wasn’t The One? Was it a sign from the universe that any sniff of incompatibility meant we weren’t really destined to be together? And I contemplated if I should run for the hills now rather than getting myself in any deeper…
And it makes sense — because of course if I held a deep subconscious belief that The One = ease and grace and then I meet someone that I think is The One and then it becomes everything BUT ease and grace… it is understandable how I could come to the conclusion that he therefore must not be ‘The One!’
So it has taken me now quite a while to realise that not only did I have the subconscious belief in the first place and ascribed meaning about what it would be like when I did meet said One, but to see it from a higher perspective. As a result I have come to understand that from a soul perspective, all is playing out in perfection. Things are coming up because we have soul agreements and contracts (fuelled by the intensity of our bond) to show us the mirrors, and to help bust through all this stuff that we have each been holding onto for all this time without even being aware of it (or perhaps with being aware of it but unable to shift it to this point!).
So now, despite the intensity, the ups and downs, I have come to a place of understanding that the depth of emotion coming up is indeed a blessing and a good sign. Because each time something comes up for one or both of us, we are able to work through it and come back together with a bond that is even stronger, more loving and more connected and understanding than before. This is one of the many reasons that I feel so blessed to be in a truly conscious relationship where nothing can be swept under the rug, where we both can have our wobbles. Ultimately the reason it is so intense and scary is actually because we just love each other more deeply than we have ever loved anyone else. And the gift of this deep love is to help facilitate us to shift our core wounds and programs at the deepest level imaginable. If you’ve only got a level 6/10 love, you will only be able to reach the programs and imbalances 6 levels below the surface. But once you meet that 10/10 love, everything is fair game — and given that my partner and I are both conscious souls on a journey of awareness and growth, it makes sense that we have both already shifted the level 1–6 stuff already from previous relationships… we saved the deepest final layers for each other. And it works so well because there is more at stake, more attachment on the line and so everything feels more intense. As a result the opportunities for growth, expansion and empowerment are far beyond anything experienced before that.
So maybe I have watched too many Disney movies, maybe I have spent too much of my life seeking ‘ease and grace’ as opposed to growth and expansion. Or maybe mine is a growth journey and some other lucky ones get their Fairytale? Would love to know your take on this!
