Dating : Money Talks While Dating: 8 Things To Keep In Mind

It is always best to start with small topics (splitting the bill) and then work your way up to the big stuff (moving in together or marriage). Remember, money is a difficult subject to talk about in general, so taking baby steps with your partner is the best way to avoid miscommunication, emotional reactions, and unnecessary arguments.

Every relationship is different, so it’s up to you and your partner to decide when the right time to start talking about money is.

Since money is a rather sensitive topic, try and frame the questions in a more general context. Asking ‘what if’ questions gives off a more casual tone to your conversation, rather than directly asking your partner about their debts or investment strategies . . .

In this way, you can start to understand your partners’ underlying psychology by asking broader questions. In either case, you shouldn’t be too specific with numbers or details at this point. Not until both of you are comfortable doing so.

The first few conversations about money will be simple, small, and short. Talk about whether dinner and a movie will fit within your budget, for example.

Once you have a better idea about the small stuff, it might be more appropriate to start asking about more serious financial details about your partner, such as big purchases, lifestyles, savings, and debt.

The longer that you’re together, the more opportunities there will be to ask deep, thought-provoking, and serious money questions.

Another way to ease into financial conversations is to bring up a money goal that you could work on together.

I found it much easier to approach a money conversation with my boyfriend by talking about things that are going on in my life and the goals that I’m trying to achieve. For example, saving money for FIRE (financial independence, retire early).

Best to keep the goal simple. Such as saving money on date night or saving up for a weekend getaway, and then work your way up. Again, keep it simple.

Sharing goals with your partner open up a more candid conversation about money without all the stress and fuss that comes with asking a direct question. Moreover, you create a support system to help hold each other accountable for any goals that you intend to pursue together.

Dating is about getting to know someone, and a great money question to ask (again, depending on the stage of your relationship) is how they were raised — financially speaking. This can tell you a lot about how they view money.

A lot of our opinions, attitudes, and level of financial literacy comes from our family. So, a great first step towards getting to know your partner and money comes from understanding their upbringing.

Before asking your partner any money-related questions whatsoever, you should have an idea about your financial situation and the money topics you are interested in your partner.

You may be more interested in how much debt they may have, whereas your partner is only curious about your daily spending habits. It’s important to set the record straight about the level of money talks you should be having, and if they align with your financial priorities at the time.

A great way is to have a list of topics in mind — or better yet, write them down — so that you come prepared with focused conversations.

Include topics on saving money, making money and investing. Sometimes we often focus too much on our spending habits and living paycheck to paycheck. But, there are other things involved with money and finance that deserve to be talked about. Ways of earning money, such as our jobs, businesses and investments, play a huge role in our relationships and lives.

Simply put, men and women value money differently.

However, having financial conversations can help you understand their values. Don’t just talk numbers, talk values!

If you love fashion and designer handbags (like me!), finding a $900 purse for $500 might not be a reasonable expense in your partners’ eyes, but it’s a great deal for you!

Take the time to explain why you value things. Likewise, take the time to also understand your partners’ values and money attitudes. Money is a part of life, so it’s going to take time to understand each other.

Talking about money is a heavy topic, but it doesn’t have to be a serious conversation all the time. I would suggest setting aside some time (30 minutes, 1 hour — whatever works for you) to talk about financial issues or any other money topics that you have in mind.

Scheduling money dates, such as monthly money meetings, with your partner will keep you both accountable and ensure you are meeting all your financial goals. You are more likely to have a money conversation if you both agree on setting aside some time. More importantly, it allows you to prepare (mentally and emotionally) for that conversation, and to avoid any miscommunication or unintentional arguments.

By scheduling a money talk, it gives your partner a heads up that you’re serious about discussing money. Remember to create a safe space to talk about money, as it can be a rather uncomfortable topic.