Dating : My ex cheated on me and I’m the one to blame

My ex cheated on me and I’m the one to blame

I don’t blame my ex. If I was in their position, I might have done the same.

I met my ex at a time where I knew I was not ready for a relationship. I was still dealing with the pain of recovering from learning that your first love will never be your last. I was in a place where I formed transient relationships. They weren’t one night stands. They were relationships with an expiry date whenever someone got too attached.

I was tired from meeting new partners and how temporary everything was. So I decided to settle for a partner who wanted more than I did. From the start of our relationship, I didn’t realise how that would hurt both of us. Or maybe I did, but I ignored my instincts.

I hated my ex. I hated the way my ex was always so popular, smart, successful and happy. I was jealous when my partner got a pay raise. I controlled my partner and I never supported anything they did. I was evil and it got worse when I found out my partner cheated. I slapped my partner multiple times, got drunk and blamed them for everything.

My ex found someone who didn’t belittle them and supported the work that they did. I moved on by dating someone who I only dated to not feel alone and to distract myself from the pain of being cheated on.

Then, the funniest thing happened.

My new partner treated me exactly how I treated them. They belittled me. They told me no one really wanted to be my friend and that everyone was pretending. My new partner would be jealous of everything I did and had. And when I left this new relationship, my ex started contacting everyone I knew and telling them that I cheated on them with multiple people. I slowly lost my friends and my confidence.

This affected everything I did. I am no longer the outgoing person I was because I’m afraid that everyone is pretending to like me. I slowly shut myself off from the world and I’ve lost all interest in things that used to make me happy.

I don’t know what’s my next step but I’m working towards becoming a better person.