Dating : No Couple Actually Argues Over the Dishwasher

After two divorces, I know one truth about marriage. I have no clue about most of it but this I know is true: No couple actually fights about the dishwasher. It’s never about the dishwasher.

It’s about something else and until you stop blaming your anger on the loading of the dishwasher, you’re never going to address the root of the problem and it can ruin you.

Last summer, I went to stay with a friend of mine for a couple of days. It was the first time I had stayed at her house and saw her and her husband in their every day lives.

I love them both but it was a different experience watching them navigate their house, their lives, and their kids.

My friend gets upset over the dishwasher. She has figured out the best and most efficient way to load the dishwasher. That’s the kind of person she is. If there is the best and most efficient way to do something, by God, she will seek it out, test it, and implement it.

The problem is her husband doesn’t care about the best and most efficient way. Her husband has a job to do. Move the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher. Put in soap. Start dishwasher. Wait. Empty dishwasher. Everything in between Point A and Point B is meaningless.

If she goes to put something in the dishwasher, however, and it has not been loaded in the best and most efficient way, and something won’t fit, she’s furious. They fight about the dishwasher a lot.

I asked her why the dishwasher bothers her so much. Why does she get so annoyed when he doesn’t load it in the best and most efficient way? She explained that she couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just do it like she asked. She’s showed him 14 times. 14 times, for the love of God.

I told her they weren’t fighting with the dishwasher. She furrowed her brow at me.

The dishwasher wasn’t a problem. I told her she needed to figure out where the anger was really coming from. Until she did, that poor kitchen appliance was their relationship strawman.