Dating : notes from the hunted

Shoot a video for me, will you?

What video? Daughter looks up from her laptop in mild irritation.

HR is asking all the COVID-19 warriors to make a short video about how to be safe. They always do this, inform us at the last moment! I don’t even have time to prepare, do they not understand how busy work is…

Mother’s frantic ramblings fade as she exits the room.

Daughter groans internally, grabs her phone, watches Mother change her hairstyle multiple times.

Which kurta looks better? Mother asks.

Daughter disinterestedly points to the one closest to her and shuts her eyes.

Mama how much more time? I want to go back and work.

I know, I know! I just need to wear some lipstick. Listen, did I overdo my makeup?

Daughter ponders. Isn’t it always too much, or too less or too-

Mama, it’s just a video, that too about COVID-19. No one cares about how you look. And you look great, can we just finish this?

Mother quickly puts on her lipstick and sits on the sofa while Daughter adjusts the camera.

Is my face looking too round? asks Mother.

No! Your face looks like your face, says Daughter strictly.

Take one. The camera observes Mother intently.

Mother observes it too.

In a hunt, the preyed recognise not only the hunter, but also the weapons. It is enough to just show a gun-

Mama, look at me and speak to me, Daughter smiles encouragingly.

Mother begins, Dear colleagues and friends, in these distressing times of COVID-19 we have to remember to be on guard at all times-

Father walks into the room, Mother suddenly becomes a little tense. She fumbles a few times and forgets her lines.

Daughter stops shooting.

Don’t sit like that, your neckline is too visible.

Father comments without skipping a beat.

It is enough to show a gun, even if one doesn’t intend to use it.

Mother says nothing but her face flushes with shame and distress. Mother never says anything and Daughter feels her face heat up with humiliation as she watches Mother covering herself up with her dupatta.

The camera rolls again.

Friends, make sure to wash your hands for at least 20 seconds-

I think I am looking fat.

…diet should be full of proteins.

Sit properly na, your belly is protruding. Let’s take another shot, I look too tired. Tsk, Look a little confident, what is that expression?

Daughter loses her patience and asks Father to leave the room.

I am just giving my opinion if you don’t want it fine! Your generation doesn’t know how to respect elders anyway.

Our generation doesn’t know respect anyway.

Mother relaxes visibly, but Daughter warns Mother that the next video would be the last video they shoot irrespective of the quality.

Okay, ready? The final shot goes well.

Later that night, Daughter observes Mother reading a book keenly

innocently

unobserved

unperturbed.

Mama, I’m sorry. What for?

I knew the video was important to you. I just

you were speaking so well

I really don’t like the way you

are so critical of your appearance. Why are you so harsh on yourself?

And on me too, she says to herself.

Mother smiles knowingly but her eyes are sad

faraway

I know what you mean, but this video will circulate on WhatsApp and I feel very scared (of them)

Don’t be! You’re a doctor who knows what she’s talking about.

It’s not

that, I just don’t want to look improper or

vulgar.

Daughter feels her heart sink as she takes in the feeling of defeat painted on Mother’s face.

the feeling of

defeat

soulcrushinganger makes her breathless

she knows all too well how hard it is to be scared

when your mere existence is an act of heresy.

There isn’t anything Daughter can do to make it better. Mother understands that too.

Suddenly, their relationship dissolves. They are no longer mother, daughter

but

two women seeking, an escape? feeling angry

naked in their inability to protect one another

Two women, tired of being

scrutinised and dissected

for existing.

Online,

on the streets

at work, in their homes

in their minds, on TV

will they ever be

human?

I understand. Daughter says.

I have sent them the final video, now they can edit it if they want my job is done. This COVID-19 is such a big problem, I tell you… Daughter nods absentmindedly.