Dating : Open Communication: Open Ears, Listen and Obey

Tuesday: When something big happened in my home, was there open communication?

I have to mention that I grew up in a different time. I am sixty-seven. I grew up in a time where most families had one income. My father worked, my mother was a homemaker. That was the norm in my neighborhood. My best friend’s mom worked. She was the bookkeeper for the business the family owned. They had a housekeeper that stayed until she got home from work. I don’t remember any other mom’s working in my neighborhood or with my relatives.

The tradition back then was the man was the head of the household. He worked, the woman took care of the household and was the primary person who raised the kids. Kids got a small allowance and had chores to do. I remember one family meeting. I have mentioned that my father worked away from home quite a bit. During the summers as we were a bit older (say eight or so) my father would rent a cottage near where he was working. We would stay there so the family could be together. Sometimes it was on a lake, sometimes just in the country. When I was about ten we had a family meeting. My parents said that they had discussed whether to buy a cottage on a lake we had stayed a couple summers or build a pool in the back yard. We were told that it was going to be the pool. We were all excited. We were told of the two options. They may have even asked which we would have preferred. I do not remember. I know the decision was made that it was going to be the pool.

The communication in my home was top down. I can remember one time that my brothers and I went to my mom and told her that we didn’t like the kind of cereal that she bought us for breakfast. Mom listened and explained to us that when she bought the cereal that we liked it didn’t last (translation we actually ate it). Mom explained that there was cereal and if we were hungry enough we would eat it. We each learned very early to take care of our own breakfast and lunch. There was always cereal and peanut butter and jelly. We were given lunch money for school. If we didn’t want the school lunch we would have to make and take our own. However, if there was a field trip mom would always make us a bag lunch. Mom knew we could take care of ourselves. We could even make eggs or such if we wanted. If dad was working from home or was home Mom would make him breakfast. If we were up we could have breakfast too. If we didn’t wake up in time we were on our own. We were all more independent as adults because of this.

I never understood my friends who couldn’t make their own breakfast or lunch. It just didn’t make sense to me. Dinner was always family time if dad was home or not. If dad was away the dinners would be much simpler and often the simpler the more we enjoyed them. With a big family we only ate out if we were on vacation. We would sometimes go out to a couple restaurants if he was home but it was special and only about once a month.

The one day of the year when we got to pick the dinner was our birthday. We got to pick the meal and what kind of birthday cake we wanted. I always picked chocolate cake and chocolate frosting. We did not have a democratic household. I don’t know anyone that did back then. We were on our own during the summer. Mom was always around but we spent most days with our neighborhood friends. We would leave the house after we had breakfast. We would come back for lunch or sometimes had lunch at friend’s houses. We knew we had to be home and what time dinner was. After dinner we knew we had to be home when the street lights came on. We could ask if we could stay out and sometimes were allowed for a while and other times told to come in.

We were taught to be independent people. We were taught to follow rules. If we were out shopping with mom we were expected to stay right with her. Not to act out at all and stay out of the way of other adults. If we were in the way of another adult trying to get something, even if we were standing right next to our mom. We would be told that we were being rude and to get out of their way. We would never wander off. We might be told to go get something. We would go and return with the item immediately. It is how all children were expected to act back then. Well at least all of the children I knew. We were not encouraged to give our opinions on things. One of the things I was not very good at and will follow up with later in the week. So yes we did have open communication in our house, open your ears and listen.